Monday, December 31, 2012

A New Year

2012 has had it's adventures. Every year at this time people reflect on their past year; I'm no exception.  I've learned a whole lot more about who I am this past year just by living.

I get so wrapped up in trying to understand myself and others that I get highly irritated. Luckily, I'm not alone in this. I have great people around me to help break open the shell and extract a pearl.

 God is  so amazing like that.

If you ever feel like God isn't there,

Wait. Pray. Live

He is the eternal, so we must never forget he is not put off of saving us everyday. We are the ones stuck in time (I'll look back on this post later and be glad).

May God truly bless the next moment you experience. And the next. :-)

Friday, December 28, 2012

A recommendation

Hi  all!
Just thought I'd add a recommendation for an author I follow.His work has inspired me alot and I cannot wait to read his new book! Anyways, here's a link to the teaser for his book:  Jeff Goins book The-In-Between.

Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

New life from rest

26 Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”
27 So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.
28 God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.
29 Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. 30 And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

Genesis 1:26-31

I stumbled upon something really interesting tonight. 
Bear with me.

As I read though the Chapter, it seemed like the same reminder of creation, but it wasn't until I read Genesis 2 that I found that something that got me thinking.

Then it struck me. 
It seemed "Adam" was created inside God's rest. The garden was placed in an area set aside for His man.

And it is the same for His women as well.

It was out of the rest of Adam that Eve or Life was created. She was made from Adam's structure thus being the of the same creation. 

I am not setting new doctrine or adding to anything, but think about it.

Every-time God breathes on someone to be set apart to himself it is out of rest.

This rest is like how a peasant submits to the rule of a King.

It is the rest that allows God to shape us how he sees fit and move us with His Spirit.

 Instead of just being created by Him, we are made by his hands. 

God set many things on this earth with the ability to replicate themselves, but we are set aside for Him! 

We draw others to Him by being who we are. Animated by His Spirit.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Hitting the wall

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24

Being an endurance runner I truly understand this verse. There is a point at which your body at about an hour in, stops using glycogen (basically sugars) for energy and starts to burn fat. It causes your muscles to start to fatigue and you often slow your pace rapidly.This process happens so fast that unless you are ready for it, it is like "hitting a brick wall" literally.

Well, it is the same with our Faith. If you are not prepared to be pushed beyond your mental ability and  down to your knees...even to the point you despair your own life, you get hit hard. It feels like God has forsaken you or you failed Him. 

Neither of which are true. 

At this point many drop out of the race. Most are too fatigued to go on...but those who push through are rewarded greatly. 

After their body adjusts to a slower burning fuel, they find new energy. 

After we come to the end of what we can do, the end of ourselves, on a daily basis we find new strength to go further than we have ever imagined.

It is to God's glory we are able to go on. We WILL NOT look pretty to the world, but to his people and to Him we are like a bride running to the arms of her Beloved.  

So keep on in the race. Though the road be long and the way treacherous we run to be perfected as a Bride preparing for her wedding day. The stories we get along the way are what makes the journey. All along the way we get to touch people we could never have imagined had we have gone our separate ways. 

Continue with endurance so at the end we can truly say with all our hearts:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Taking a small break

Hi folks! I'm taking a small hiatus from this blog to get closer to God. I've found sometimes that I say too much too quickly and am buried with ideas yet it takes a long time to really digest the thing I write myself. I'm also working on my writing, so my blog may be a little more structured the next time I write.


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Letting God be Himself

I get into trouble every-time I write. Without fail, God holds me on what I claim on my blog...

He writes it into my flesh and mind.

Here goes.

I recently read an important idea from Donald Miller's program, "Storyline" ( to make "What if's" in your life and move towards them.

My  biggest "WHAT IF"

What if I truly gave God control over my life each day and  every day?


It's full of scary roads and massive possible failures.

Putting your entire life willingly in the hands of a being that could easily snuff you out?

On top of that, laying down the ability to scrutinize others on their mistakes?

That second one may have got a small chuckle. The truth is, I love "playing god."

To give up 'Giving up on Ben' is terrible. I am so good at it. *Snort*

I've found the reason behind all of my frustration with people. A pesky thing that gets in the way every-time.  It stops me from being able to help them with their problems. Wouldn't it be so much easier without it?

Oh yeah, it was a gift from God.

Their will.

I have one too.

He lets us walk away from Him all the while pursuing us with His Love in a way that only He can. That's real love. Allowing Himself to be wounded only to forgive us and accept us as sons and daughters when we return.

I hope that one is etched into my being. That love.

I want to allow God to work on others....and myself from the inside.

Letting God be Himself in me and allowing others to be themselves as well.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I'm done waiting

Time to get a little vulnerable. As a single guy living in a community where at least 80%  of my friends are married, 60% of which are within 2 years of me in both directions...

I often find it a great struggle to focus. 

It is human nature to want intimacy with another person. A closeness that makes you feel wanted by one other person. 

I've seen MANY books for single women (read none) of 
how to wait for the ONE. 

Men are often left out to dry..
since we are supposed to initiate the relationship. 

But.... What happens if it doesn't happen? 

Even if there is a desire, prayer, and even trying to be ready?

While marriage is  very important to those who are blessed with it, 
we can get so wrapped up in thinking and "prepping ourselves" that  we  miss the point. This is the time in our lives where we can devote ourselves entirely to falling in love with God.

For men it becomes like a deer hunt: waiting and jumping at becomes an obsession. 

God created us for  closeness with one another,sharing our life, and to live for the other.. 

Doesn't it sound sorta familiar? 

God created us to echo heaven. 

In the "Lord's prayer" it says ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN! 

Paul talks about this in Corinthians 7:7
"Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." 

I am not for holding out anymore. I cannot do it anymore. I have to move on. The desire has been absolutely paralyzing to me.

To sum up this whole thought in a few words it would be "Falling in Love with God above all" 

It is something that is missing from ALL marriages that go awry. 

To love God means loving that person in front of you whether it is your spouse,brother, sister, or  even YOUR WORST ENEMY more than you treat yourself! 

In the process of allowing yourself to feel God's love for you, you will then overflow & pour that love on others.

For those who have no spouse, it is easier in a way: putting God first before desires, giving your future to Him, and making Him your desire. 

It is both a scary and exciting thing to give your entire future to God. It means He does what HE wants. Is able to fashion you into a tool of His design. 

Then...when you are set in another person's life and them in yours, He'll be the center of the union. He is of course to be our first love. The one which all loves are meant to reflect. 

I could go on for hours, so I'll just leave you with that. I may need to write an eBook to share what God is working out in me. I'll truly enjoy Him revealing things in the days ahead, since life is about the valley and not the mountain-top.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Like waking from a dream

First of all, I'd just like to say how great it is to be God's. It is so easy to forget  sometimes the
absolute amazing power of being His. It is the answer to all anxieties.

Every time I write something of importance, He works it in me.

Lately, I have been hit hard. God had been far from my thoughts, yet I wasn't ever from His. I've been  wrestling inside to even understand where I stand.

While I'm not "there" yet, I don't believe I will be till I am before His throne.

Ran across this blog post forwarded on Facebook by a friend.

It woke me up tonight to hear the same thing Christ gave me 4 years ago being said by someone else.

I get to fall in love again. Everyday

Thursday, August 16, 2012

The Little Jesus on my shoulder

 It is a commonplace these days to "accept Jesus." Churches everywhere preach from the pulpit the Sinner's prayer.

Yet, That is not enough for Salvation

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,- Acts 3:19 

Repentance is remorse for our past and turning toward God. Not giving him the terms of how our life is to be. It is giving him control of our heart to shape us. 

We (including me) give Christ a "shoulder" to sit on to advise us. Yet we are still in control of how our lives go. We use Christ's words to our benefit and forsake God's voice in our lives.

A heart of repentance is not a man-invoked action. Being sorry...yes. Repentance is a gift God gives us. 

Zacheus is an awesome example of this. 

A tax-collector, he was a corrupt man. He looked out for Number One. Despised by his own people and his employers the Romans.

He overheard the crowds talk of Jesus the Carpenter who heals and is the Messiah. 

He had to see what the fuss was all about. Being a short man, he figures the best way to see Jesus was to climb a tree. 

Jesus walks underneath his tree!

Then looks Him in the eye, and says to come down and that...Jesus wants to eat lunch with him!

That was all it took! He gave back all he took in deceit three-fold and turned from his sin. 

God moved from inside. 

Christ had changed him by first seeing who Zacheus really was. 

Our Spirit is the piece of Christ we received to do this very thing. The Fruit of Christ's spirit stirring in us is true repentance. First, we must reach out for him.  

He wants inside. That we are off the seat of our heart and he is ruler, not like:

The Creator's place is in His temple. Here he can shape us into what we are meant to be and not who we think we are. 

I'll be honest. In the last 5 years of my life more attacks have come from my flesh nature to try to put Him out. I've been on the edge of walking away, asking God to take me out, and giving up completely on life. 

On the other side, He has been with me through everything. His light has revealed some ugly things in me. I totally expected Him to give up on me. 

THE EXACT OPPOSITE HAPPENED! He showed His love even more clearer. He is never surprised or disappointed with us. 

Just his Love can completely change us from the inside out. 

(His Spirit is like a microwave. No cooking, just changing the inside and our outsides are benefited) 

I pray that we allow Him to purge and go even deeper into our being. 

Sunday, July 29, 2012


It seems weird to say that you are alone when you are surrounded by so many people...right? 

How is that possible? 

It is a big misconception that just because you are around people you are connected. 

When Christ said " For where two or three are gathered together unto my name, there am I in the midst of them. Matthew 18:20

He doesn't mean that just because you are in the same "church," you are gathered in His name. 

Before Christ died he bound his disciples together unto himself. He laid claim to them through this act of sacrifice. It is a connection of the Spirit. 
This connection is God-induced. Something that beyond the emotional and physical connection of your friends and family. 

It is something to be in prayer for. That our meeting together would be in response to our connection and not our connection. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012


For those of you that  I don't see daily, I've been going through a "dry" season lately. While it is no picnic, I've gotten a lot  from simple things.

There is a gardener who planted a seed in good soil. He tenderly watered the seed until it started to sprout. This tiny plant basked in the love of the gardener.

As the days went on, the gardener came to cut the plant back. The plant pleaded the gardener not to but the gardener came with his scissors and trimmed the plant. He also spread fertilizer around the plant.

The plant was sad.

As the days went on, the winds came and while many other plants were destroyed, the one plant stood.

This puzzled the plant.

The Gardener then came a dug the plant up, and placed it in a mighty forest. The plant marveled at the mighty oaks and was ashamed how scraggly he was.

As the small plant grew, he realized he too was a tree!

Many storms came and shook the tree, yet it stood.

The tree didn't look pretty on the outside, he was gnarly and bent slightly.

It learned many things about the gardener from other trees, and that the gardener was inside his rings.
He realized the pruning, positioning, and watering caused the tree to stand. While the tree wasn't the tallest in the forest, his roots were deep. They entwined with other trees and fed others while being fed himself.

This analogy sort of sums up my life so far. I'm the little plant. Maybe you are too. God intended all of our situations to cause our roots to grow deep and seek out his Life water. We may mot grow visibly as quick outwardly , but when the storms come we stand.  We may feel betrayed by the Gardener, but as the dry times come, we find deep down Life in our sap. The Gardener designed us to go through hard times in which he seems MIA. God loves you....Alot. You are his prize. 

Delight in Him!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Yielding part 2

  As it is,  people talk alot about the Fruits of the Spirit. Many wonder why they aren't automatically endowed with them from the beginning. I know I often do! Think of the Spirit like a tree. And the Fruit..well like fruit!  Like a tree, you cannot force it to bear fruit. It must grow, Which we all know takes a lot of work. The Gardener must break the soil* up, fertilize, and keep other **plants that would choke the tree out in infancy. 

Only someone who knows the soil can truly cause Life to spring up from it. Christ is the Gardener.
The Fruits are what show up after the Spirit has established roots. It may take years to be fruitful. The **hands are those people  who the Gardener placed in our lives to help nurture the plant till maturity.

I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.  So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.  The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.

-1 Corinthians 3: 6-9

So take heart my friends! 

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

 -Philippians 11:6 NLT

 ** Parents, brothers and sisters in Christ, and sometimes those who inspire us
** Remnants of the "old man"
*your heart


   And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; And to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness; And to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. But he that lacketh these things is blind, and cannot see afar off, and hath forgotten that he was purged from his old sins. Wherefore the rather, brethren, give diligence to make your calling and election sure: for if ye do these things, ye shall never fall: For so an entrance shall be ministered unto you abundantly into the everlasting kingdom of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.
 -2 Peter 1:5-11 KJV

The word "temperance" is replaced by self-control in many translations, but as we were going over this verse in our Teen challenge meeting, this translation really struck me.

The root of temperance is temper(or tempering), which is a process of softening a metal in order to increase structural stability. In the terms of pottery,temper is what you add to the clay to minimize shrinkage.

As God works us (tempers), he causes the situations to build self-control. The more we yield to His hand and to trusting in Him even when it seems all is lost, we gain self-control. True self-control is allowing God to wield you and allowing Him to keep you giving you strength to resist.

To him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you before his glorious presence without fault and with great joy to the only God our Savior be glory, majesty, power and authority, through Jesus Christ our Lord, before all ages, now and forevermore! Amen
-Jude 1:24-25 NIV

Tuesday, June 19, 2012


I often get the feeling that I am useless. 

With all my faults and quirks, it seems like I'm one of those  vessels which were mentioned in 2 Timothy 2:20.

 In a large house there are articles not only of gold and silver, but also of wood and clay; some are for noble purposes and some for ignoble.

Even with my friends telling how much they care about me daily and  hearing how much Christ is in love with me, I'm insecure,emotional...a wreck.

As a man I feel like I should be in control of myself. 

I often find that I tear up at times when others don't. I take offense at the silliest things and find it hard to be glad for how God made me.

For Christmas I received a handmade shirt with a quote by Hudson Taylor:

All God's giants have been weak men
who did great things for God
because they reckoned on 
God being with them

--Hudson Taylor

I believe that quote to be true. The Beloved is showing this more and more each day. From the diagnosis of a good friend Paul Pavao  with leukemia to  the accident that happened to Steve Saint, both in this past year. Not including the history of "flawed" individuals that were mightily wielded because they found their worth in Christ.

2 Corinthians 12:9 is a great verse to remember (I'll take note of it for later! :-] )

Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.

I leave you with Philippians 3:8 as a closing thought

What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.

May we all gain Christ together!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Friday, April 27, 2012

Give it to me NOW!!!!!!

 Been on my mind the past couple weeks.

You've probably seen it multiple times, in both infant and adult alike. The case of the "It's MINE, GIVE IT NOW!" 

In the parable of the prodigal son, the youngest son demands of his father this birthright. As it went, his father didn't withhold it  but gave what was asked of him. The son then wasted the inheritance and ended in the depths. The story ends well... and the son is given even more in his humility than in his arrogance.

Many stories: Abraham and Hagar, David and Bathsheba, and Moses.

Each took from God something. A thing which they believe was owed them or they thought God was too slow in his promise (Ishmael's birth)  -Genesis 16:1-12

    I used to believe the saying, "God helps those who help themselves."  What a lie!  God HATES self-sufficiency! Self -Sufficiency  is a  lie from the Adversary!   Ever since the time in the garden, he has been trying to separate us from the provisions of the Almighty.

David talked often of the lengths that The Almighty went to to provide for him. In all of his debauchery, adultery, and murderous nature he was still called a man after God's own heart.

You see..."messing up" is a part of us. He wants us to turn back to Him.

The Almighty, Shepherd, and Bridegroom.

The story of Hosea and Gomer is a great example of God wanting his Bride even though she is the "backslider"

(Isn't amazing that we are taught through [living words] LIVES?!?!?!?!)

For those who haven't read the story, it really is revealing of a piece of the Heart of God.

He brings us back to His side to be : RECEIVERS. 

It shouldn't matter if we know it may be ours...with a promise. We must hold our hands out to receive.

Luke 11:13

He knows the exact time to give us what we need. The Ark is a great example. Imagine if God told Noah only months before the flood?

Tuesday, April 17, 2012


How real are you?

You'd say that you are right? I mean.. you breathe,eat sleep, and are self aware. You are even aware of God.

re·al, real/ˈrē(ə)l/, /rāˈäl/

Reality, the state of things as they actually exist, rather than as they may appear or may be thought to be.

Ok. In our minds we are real...but to God are we? 

Like the story of Pinocchio, do we hope to be real like he did? He even went to the same lengths to be a real boy.

Wow, to think about it, Pinocchio is very much like an allegory of a Christian! 

Then the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground. He breathed the breath of life into the man's nostrils, and the man became a living person.Genesis 2:7 

Carved by a woodcarver named Geppetto in a small Italian village, Pinocchio  was created as a wooden puppet, but dreamed of becoming a real boy. 

We often, like the wooden puppet try to take this "turning real" into our own hands. 

We attempt to be Godly and isolate ourselves from sinners. 

Like the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, we can often take the side of that we are more "real" than another a thus we completely miss God. 

Christ is the first real man. The Father created us to be like Him, yet we often choose to have the "strings" of this  world on us...while saying we are free. The enemy wants to try to put a false picture in our heads of the way and some completely lose interest.

We cannot in ourselves ever hope to be real. 

It is a painful journey. Since Adam, our kind has hid from exposing light. When Christ came, he gave us a choice. No longer were we stuck to just live "good" lives, but He made us able to be recreated as REAL beings! It will be a lifelong journey since this body is but a shadow of what is to come. 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Part of me

 A little piece of me:

One of the biggest prayers that I've had for at least the last 5 years... is that my faith would be increased. Reading all the stories of men and women with unshakable faith in the midst of great opposition really inspired this desire. In the beginning, my fervor was like a wildfire. Thus youth provides the flame of passion that must be put under control. This has lead to some of the biggest internal and spiritual battles I'd ever been in my life. Like Peter, Christ shows me daily to trust in His strength and in the mean time, shattering hope in my own.

I've experienced "storms" in my life in which I felt like the disciples while Christ was asleep in the storm. Every-time...without fail  he stills the turmoil. (For those who haven't gathered from my previous posts, I'm a major introvert!) I've literally been to the point of wanting to die! Telling God to strike me down. Yet, through all of my foolishness, He has smiled on me.

I  actually started this blog in a last "ditch" effort to stay on the path. Looking back on my first posts, like journal entries, I thank the Almighty for never walking away. I cannot tell you how  many times I've wanted to.

He's given me so much more than I could ever imagine. Most of my friends are now married, leaving me as one of the only guys who isn't. I often pray that God would really have someone for me... like many my age have.

I'm very grateful that He hasn't though. I wouldn't have changed a thing. He knew what he was doing creating me, giving me the desires, and drawing so near to me. I thought I needed to become a foreign missionary to get close to God (I'm still hoping to get to go,but now I can offer someone!)and cultivate life away from everyone, instead He started right here!

The adventure has been awesome!

God has given me so much. I'm an uncle twice, first niece on the way, and an amazing household that I really am learning to love. It's amazing the learning part. I'm glad that Love is not exhausted!

I'll have to continue more later since I need to get to bed!

May the blessing of The Lover be upon you!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Young Hero

I've felt really dry the last couple weeks. Which, in turn, makes for a unhappy Ben. Even though I "know" to be still and wait on God, I tend to get depressed. I often ask for help hesitantly, like He is some Father who gets exasperated with his child for asking too many questions and begging for help "too much."

 By the way, the Father has BLESSED me with a young man to show me the right way to be.

 He is constantly asking me questions, even unto midnight. 

My patience level is shown very low, so I can get very short sometimes. 
Until just NOW, I think I've just shrugged it off as a minor thing. 

For me, Jaron shows  two things. He loves being with me, talking about things he wants to do,hanging around me, and asks loads of questions. This in itself is massive. I wish I could have this heart toward God again. In becoming an "adult" I've lost the view of God as a loving Father who LONGS (longs!) to help his children. To hear us when we are in need.  Much like my little hero, he wants us to enjoy coming to him with everything.  

Secondly, Jaron gives me a chance to show Christ. (Though I'm a failure in this so far) I may not be a dad, but I feel honored by the chance to be a man that he looks up to other than his dad.Who is by the way, Benayah...and he is his name sake, A mighty man!

In seeing how short my fuse is, this week has made more of an impact on me. Tonight I finally broke down inside on the way to Teen Challenge.  I admitted my lack of strength to be steady in the faith. I felt utterly miserable. As I began to pray, I felt like a burden had fallen off my shoulders. A peace filled the place where despair once claimed place. To top it off He reminded me it is by HIS strength I am 
kept by, not mine.

2 Corinthians 3:4-6

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

This helped my day!

 The guests at a certain hotel were being rendered uncomfortable by repeated strumming on a piano,done by a little girl who had no knowledge of music. They complained to the proprietor with a view of having the annoyance stopped. 'I am sorry you are annoyed' he said. 'But the girl is a child of  one of my very best guests. I can scarcely ask her not to touch the piano. But her father,who is away for a day or so,will return tomorrow. You can then approach him,and have the matter set right.' When the father returned, he found his daughter in the reception-room and, as usual,thumping on the piano. He walked up behind the child and, putting his arms over her shoulders, took her hands in his,and produced some most beautiful music. Thus may it be with us, and thus will it be, some coming day. Just now , we can produce little but clamour and disharmony; but one day the Lord Jesus will take our hands of faith and prayer, and use them to bring forth the music of the skies."

ANON (Taken from an E.M. Bounds' book on prayer.)

Isn't that worth praising the Father for!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

I don't feel like being a Christian today. Part 2

If you haven't read I don't feel like being a Christian-Part One yet...STOP!!!!!

Simon Peter
He was a man who was very close to Christ. Always up front, walked on water,and was a go-getter. He also told Christ that no matter what happened, whether everyone else left Jesus, he wouldn't. Christ told him that the Adversary wanted to sift him like wheat....just like Job. He did. Peter denied that he knew Christ three times, each time more and more belligerent...even unto cussing and swearing. Peter was ashamed after the rooster crowed and  like that.... the veil had finally been lifted from his eyes. Would you believe I actually told God 3 years ago I would not be like Peter, I'd be strong. Guess what. Yep. Worse. I was two hours away from walking away from God completely. Nothing in me wanted to still follow. It was only God himself that kept me.

Do you depend on your own strength to follow God? I have that weakness...God has been very patient with me on that.

Do you follow God for the blessings? Because you were told to?

He is the I AM after all.

Like in marriage, you wouldn't marry someone just because you like the way they look, the way they treat you, or fleeting emotions would you?

I'm not married, so I am just comparing this to people who I've seen with good marriages. They aren't the ones whose lives were rainbows. They had their battles. Still do. One thing different is that they don't see marriage as a thing to get out of. They may not feel like loving their spouse some days, the looks that attracted them may have faded, and attitudes may have faded. But they are constant. One major thing that connects them is Christ. They are children of God  devoted to him, so they devote themselves to each other as to God.

Never give up. Even when the world falls apart around you! Blessings to your week dear readers!

I don't feel like being a Christian today. Part 1

Well...It is the truth!!

 Today started fairly like any other...well maybe not.

  Last night I dreamt that I created an altar to an unknown god. At this altar, the lady who attended it basically told me that this was a secret altar. It immediately caused anger to stir up in me! And against the grain of what I felt was right in my dream, I violently destroyed the altar! I woke up with the belief that this was a dream from the Father.

So as I prepared for the day I felt like He would reveal a "high place" in me that was secret. And I asked Him to reveal it! (If you ever want to grow, sometimes it takes this, no matter how earth-shattering it may feel like!)


I had a situation with a fellow worker within 5 minutes of entering the job I work at! Normally it would have just been an irritation, but today it felt as if I was a liar for claiming that I was God's. I didn't feel like being who I was! An Overcomer! I wanted to dredge around in rage and spew on everyone! Don't know if I did leak any but for the longest time I hated the restraints of being who I was really carried.  But you can probably glean from my dream explanation that I do often "go against the grain" of my feelings. I asked some brothers to pray for me. If an verse could explain it the best it would be James 5:16. It was so true! Within 30 minutes God gave me peace to believe again. Being a disciple is beyond feeling like you are.

What is your foundation in Christ? A feeling? Someone else's faith? I've been in both of those. Both lead to great disappointment.

You the parable  of the two houses, God sends the Adversary to test our foundation. Hopefully before it is too late, but all the same...

Like both Job and Simon Peter.

With Job, God allowed the Adversary to take everything from him. To give him one thing. Himself.  He was the most blessed man in the land. He, like many of us are very blessed. The adversary basically beat his body physically and mentally, till he finally called out for an explanation of why he was going through this. I've  actually been to this place many times with God. Job's friends told him he deserved what he got. His wife told him to curse God. Basically to throw in the towel. God then showed up and told Job that he needed humility in coming before Him. He openly rebuked Job's friends and told them that their only salvation was to give Job animals to sacrifice and ask for Job to pray for them.   Job prayed...and because of the one possesion he obtained, he was given increase for giving.

See I don't feel like being a Christian today-Part 2for the rest

An account of the man that inspired me as a child

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Remember who you are!

   This day started pretty rough. I've been struggling (well more like insecure) with where I am with God recently. All day today it felt like I was a carrying a huge stone on my back. Many things even until just after the evening teaching we had tonight, I was mopey. I had just went into a friend's house  (who lives next door) for help. God met me there. In a way I didn't expect.

I don't know how many of you have seen "The Lion King."  It is a cartoon about a son who ran from his problems and ends up having to go back and face his problems head on.

Well....I walked in on the part where his father "talked" to him from beyond the clouds. The father tells his son that he has forgotten about him. In the forgetting that he was heir to the kingdom and acted as an exile he had forgotten the father. He told the son "REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE! YOU ARE MY SON AND KING!"

That hit me. I had forgotten my Father in my problems. By both choosing to dwell on my sorrow and acting as if I were still a slave of sin. By forgetting that I am a child of God, I allowed my sorrow to become bigger than God himself. He wanted me all day to manifest joy but I had been in a state of turmoil.

Most amazing is that he waited on me.

How often do you forget that you are a child of God? To manifest his presence with joy?

Joy means so much more than happiness. It is second to Love. Called a "fruit" of the spirit and comes from the Father as a by-product of having the Spirit manifest in you.

I encourage you to thank God every single day if you really are the Lover's. He claimed you as his own from the beginning. That Christ came for you! That he left the Father's right hand as a representative to you that you are loved and he desires you!  

The enemy works really hard to drag us from this truth.


Sunday, January 1, 2012

A confession and hope for going on.

First of all, dear readers, Happy New Beginning.

Within the past year, I have learned many things, unlearned a few, and fell too many times to count.


With all the the mistakes,blunders, and selfish actions....God still has not left.

His love is completely humiliating to me. It convicts me sometimes and others have completely ignored his calling.

I've written the past few years about the amazing love of God, But absolute truth is there are still corners of my heart that evade his complete control. There is no place for me to feel sorry for my self in this..

This year I hope that he give only Himself...So much that if He were to withdraw himself, I would feel it.

Also, that this year I'd  like to rest. I know now that my striving to be good comes to naught.  I also  know he is not disappointed in who he created and is not now either.

He calls me his beloved son. Just like Christ. I'm part of an inheritance that He wants on earth as it is in heaven.Part of His chosen Bride.

 May his Bride go forth this year and be further purified by His hand. May we set ourselves aside for what he would give us.