Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I've felt really dry the last couple weeks. Which, in turn, makes for a unhappy Ben. Even though I "know" to be still and wait on God, I tend to get depressed. I often ask for help hesitantly, like He is some Father who gets exasperated with his child for asking too many questions and begging for help "too much."
By the way, the Father has BLESSED me with a young man to show me the right way to be.
He is constantly asking me questions, even unto midnight.
My patience level is shown very low, so I can get very short sometimes.
Until just NOW, I think I've just shrugged it off as a minor thing.
For me, Jaron shows two things. He loves being with me, talking about things he wants to do,hanging around me, and asks loads of questions. This in itself is massive. I wish I could have this heart toward God again. In becoming an "adult" I've lost the view of God as a loving Father who LONGS (longs!) to help his children. To hear us when we are in need. Much like my little hero, he wants us to enjoy coming to him with everything.
Secondly, Jaron gives me a chance to show Christ. (Though I'm a failure in this so far) I may not be a dad, but I feel honored by the chance to be a man that he looks up to other than his dad.Who is by the way, Benayah...and he is his name sake, A mighty man!
In seeing how short my fuse is, this week has made more of an impact on me. Tonight I finally broke down inside on the way to Teen Challenge. I admitted my lack of strength to be steady in the faith. I felt utterly miserable. As I began to pray, I felt like a burden had fallen off my shoulders. A peace filled the place where despair once claimed place. To top it off He reminded me it is by HIS strength I am
kept by, not mine.
2 Corinthians 3:4-6