Tuesday, December 8, 2009

A few of my poems

"What sort of God"

What sort of God would create a creature
who would come to despise his name,

What sort of king would take his servants
to become his sons and daughters,

What sort of master would take
the place of criminals and thieves,

And bear the pain of  their sins
on his shoulders?

Only for the few?

This love  is deep,
it is inhuman love

It contains all things,
Above all,
the absolute loss of  self.

A freedom from the chains
of depression and guilt.

"A Prayer of praise"

The greatest thing your disciple's life can do,
is point to you!

You gave us a will,
a gift we can give,

Your death was not your only sacrifice,
for your love is greater than that of your messengers.

Your word is your life you left us to live,
you tread the path
and you point the way.

You are all in all,
A shepherd with us all the way

Sunday, December 6, 2009

A thought/ The light brigade

I watched an awesome movie last night. It was called " The Blind Side."
It is the story of how a big black kid nicknamed "Big Mike" (Michael Orly) went from the slums of Memphis to semi-pro NCAA football star. My favorite part was the famous  poem   Charge of the light brigade.

The Charge Of The Light Brigade
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Memorializing Events in the Battle of Balaclava, October 25, 1854

Written 1854

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:

Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack & Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse & hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.

Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!

This poem has a deep spiritual meaning to me. First of all, I have a strong sense of injustice when it comes to myself. It states how the six hundred knew that the commander was in err. there greatest asset was they knew two major virtues : Courage and Honor. Two virtues that Christians need. Courage to stand up against the evil of one of our greatest enemies: SELF. And in the face of the valley of death,though it seems our hope is gone, we press on. to Honor. We lose our self  in the journey. All that matters is to fight for our Commander,Christ. The commander who is not in err. Christ leads us to freedom from the slavery of  this world to becoming sons and daughters of him.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Another Hard Day...

Yesterday and today were very tense days. I have been feeling a little sick,so I my stresses were majorly magnified. We were very busy at work and the  tension really messed me up. I know that God is drawing close when days like today happen. It means my flesh is  getting destroyed and God can have his way. Anyways...on a more positive note, the day started out fairly well. Shammah talked about how the scriptures are often translated as "the end all" of  The Word. In truth, it is only part of God's words and he allows us to be the continuation of his life. Jesus Christ is The Word and we are his body. Anyone who is his disciple is part of history. We fufill his word with our daily life!  I hope one day I'll really have the faith needed to live fully for Christ.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Hudson Taylor, one of my favorite people

I just finished a re-read of a Hudson Taylor autobiography entitled "Hudson Taylor, God's adventurer" It was an amazing story! His faith was amazing,throughout his life going through almost dying very young of malignant fever to almost being killed at sea,and more! God definately looked after him. He is one of my best inspirations of a person who really had a relationship with Jesus. I hope one day that the faith he had, God would allow in me. I have been reading and praying more this week for Chinese Christians and for God's work in his people.  Everyday been another step towards a closer relationship with Christ. This week God has been targeting the way I say things to people without thinking of the conscequences. So far it has been like climbing a mountain by trying to change the way I've been for years. I believe that God can change anyone, even me! So excited to see what the future holds.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Wisdom from Jeanne Guyon

I read a little out of Jeanne Guyon's "Intimacy with Christ." The passage I read was about how God deals with us to make us his own. She said that there are many situations we are put into AREN'T for making us stronger, but to weaken our resistance. He wants to make us like children that depend on their Father. "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matt.18:3)

This thought is far from most of adults these days. To be like a child? To be absolutely helpless? It is truly a hard pill be swallow for us individaually oriented people. We want to be able to look strong, our prayers even echo this. We pray that God give us strength to help others.His answer is usually that he sends circumstances that makes us feel helpless.We feel that God has abondoned us. We blame the Adversary's attacks.(He is just the messanger boy,but we forget!) I know this is not something I look as fun. Anyways, I thought I'd just share this new step I came across today. I hope that I can learn this one day.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

my new nephew/ My sister's baby

                                                     My Nephew: Antonio Mark Lopez
                                                     Born 10/05/09 7lbs. 13 oz.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

This may sound controversal.

I came up with the idea for this post from a friend. I just recently read a webpage an old friend wrote. They had a dicussion on how "all they need is Jesus." I live in an intentional communty (for all non-RCV readers) in west Tennessee. I came to Rose Creek Village in 2005. My intentions were to be with my family(who were already here). Over the past 5 years God have changed all my desires,hopes,and dreams. I believe that the best thing for Christians is to be with others. For me, having the accountability keeps me from a lot of temption.Being with others can also cause you to find out more about yourself. What better way to see yourself than to "look in the mirror." I feel that most Christians cannot do this alone. There are those special few but I have never met one yet. A major plus side to being with people beyond Wednesday and Sunday is that Christ is better revealed through two or three gathered in his name. It is like having family that are not blood related, but become important all the same. You begin to grow deeper relationships and in the end, are a major part of your life.

Another day...another lesson

Yesterday was a lesson . Work was highly intense and when I got home, I had the night all planned out, I was going to drop my friend off at his play practice, drive to Lowes and pick up a replacement door, drive home, and after all that craziness...go out and watch the new "Christmas Carol" in theaters. Once again, God usually laughs at me at this point. When I did get home, I remembered  that I was on dinner clean-up. I was sorta bummed out at this point, but did the job anyways with a small amount of faith that I would be able to pick up the door. Half way through clean-up,one of the ladies volunteered to finish for me. I was able to pick  up the door in enough time. This experience was a lesson to me once again the miniscule amount of faith that I have and how much the Father loves and takes care of his children. He works in ways that are not bound by personality,time, or circumstances. WOW!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

My Family ( part of it)

Brandon  age 19(my youngest brother)

At Brandon's Graduation
Me, My Dad, and Brandon

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Truth revealed...

It seems like  God is starting to reveal even more how much I really need him. For the past 5 years, I had believed that I trusted Him, was starting to understand his way, and I could be an example of a servant.Once again, WRONG! He put me into situations where I could not see his face, my emotions totally betrayed me,and it seemed that no one understood me. He used people in my life to show me that behaviors that I thought I'd overcome,came crashing back on me.My short-tempered spirit rose up everytime my ego felt threatened, my "humility" turned out to be self-righteous arrogance,and my zeal for God was revealed as a deep rooted pride. When all of this was revealed, I felt that the world was crashing in on me, that God had left me to the mercy of my flesh,and I felt for the first time that I hated myself. Before this time, I'd said that my will was fully surrendered to God. He used all of the hard times(by the way, it's not over til' it's over!) to make a change in me. I am beginning to see the problems we see in others,the ones that really irritate us, are the very problems we have! It's absolutely humbling that Christ would die for such a person as me. The  Shepherd for the lost sheep.Though the beloved has not been faithful, has led others away from  The Way, and was the very hands that caused him pain.
I think I can sort of understand why Peter told Jesus " Get away from me,for I am a sinner!"


Friday, October 30, 2009

"Don't compare yourselves with yourselves"

I have heard the saying about not comparing yourself with others, for you are who you are  and can only do what God gave you the grace to do.Let me give a couple examples.When I first moved from Florida to Tennessee, my friends were in an Irish dance troupe called Winddance (to see information go to danceonthewind.com) I thought that if they could do it,so could I. I think I was born with two left feet. That hope lasted a year. Another example is my first job. When I started painting, I worked along side my friend Brian. I thought we both had the same skill level, so when he was able to paint with a paint brush,and I was "the brush cleaner" I was a little upset. So, when I first got a paintbrush in my hand, I obviously thought I could paint (LOL for anyone who knows my paint stories). I have a partial genetic defect; I am clumsy. If there was a bucket of paint on a dropcloth over a driveway, I'd somehow manage getting it all over! I'd have times when my brain "shut off." For instance I'd have a highly corossive rag of lacquer thinner and I'd put it on a finished surface. Well..you get the picture. I was always doing things that weren't  for me. I recently joined  the Rose Creek Village  Shorinji Ryu Karate-do dojo (for info on shorinji-ryu see shorinjiryukaratedo.com). My Sensei, Master Thomas Cauley taught us this week that we must do karate (pronounced karatae) in our own speed. Just like in Christian life, we must care about the journey just as much as the destination. We must live for Christ with everything we have right in the moment. For in doing what the Father created us he made unique. Living outside the mold.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Learning a new way

Well, hopefully this whole blog will be more of  sharing the journey of becoming intimate with Christ. I would love to hear others experiences with God.  I have been reading some of Madame Guyon's writings week( so far I've read  through Experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ,Union with God,and Final steps in Christian Maturity. I would have to say these are very deep and I used to not be able to understand what she is saying. Her basic point throughout these books is becoming like the woman fom Song of Solomon in the Bible. To go from our need of feeling God's presence, to having a relationship with him at all times,eve when it seems he has abondoned us. If  you like novels, Hannah Hurnard's Hinds feet on High Places explains this very well fro those who are visual like me. Well, anyway I'm full. God is emptying me of the way I think He should be. Just like MuchAfraid, he is bringing me to himself.
 Thanks for reading!
Benjamyn Michael Wilson

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

First Post

I started this blog in hopes of trying to share about learning how to get close to God. I am not claiming at all that I know ANYTHING about this! All I know is that I want to share what I am learning and hear about others experiences with Christ. Hopefully, we can find others to share with and help change "Generation X." Please feel free to leave imput!