Glowing (Warning: THIS POST MAY BE A LITTLE GRAPHIC!)

Warning: THIS POST MAY BE A LITTLE GRAPHIC!


When Moses came down from Mount Sinai with the two tablets of the Testimony in his hands, he was not aware that his face was radiant because he had spoken with the LORD.When Aaron and all the Israelites saw Moses, his face was radiant, and they were afraid to come near him.   -Exodus 34: 29-31


Could you imagine spending so much time with God that your face glowed? This is an amazing thought.
 How about to have communion with God so much that his radiance was reflected by you. 
Moses was unaware of the glory he shone. This is because he reflected it. He even veiled his face so that the radiance would not cause fear in the hearts of the people.


When Moses finished speaking to them, he put a veil over his face.But whenever he entered the LORD's presence to speak with him, he removed the veil until he came out. And when he came out and told the Israelites what he had been commanded,they saw that his face was radiant. Then Moses would put the veil back over his face until he went in to speak with the LORD. -  Exodus 34:33-35






It was believed that to see the face of God meant death.  Which is still true. While we are in His presence, we don't matter. 


This is something to be in awe just in it's self. 


What is even more amazing is that we can enter into His presence with confidence. He wants us there. A major purpose we exist, if not the purpose.... is communion with God. All else dims and fades while we are with Him. Emotions cannot explain  this. It surpasses situation and "feeling." 




To stay in His presence we must accept that EVERY corner of our darkness is exposed and dealt with. Places that shake us to the very core sometimes. All we can do is fall on our face before Him who is our portion to make us in His image.  An illustration I think about when I think of His Exposing and purification of our being:


Cockroaches. Anyone who has ever seen them knows exactly what I'm talking about. They HATE light. If you want to know if you have them, turn your kitchen light at night. The second the light goes on, the scatter. I've never met anyone who likes them and they seem to come if you have food(not always though!). Often you can catch one or two out and can deal with them, if you want to kill them you have to call an exterminator. God wants not only to turn on the light of our "kitchen" but every room in our house. Sometimes even the rooms we have "spotless" are lit. He turns on the light and the infestation is exposed. When we allow Him to do this, He allows a closer relationship. It becomes less like a "sacrificial life" to the life being a response to His love.




Obedience leads us to Friendship...Friendship leads us to inheritance...Deeper still is intimacy with Christ as the Bride. The one who has the heart of the Bridegroom Christ. 




LET US RUN THIS RACE TO WIN!!!!!!!

A great poem from Union And Communion or Thoughts on the Song of Solomon by Hudson Taylor

The living Vine, Christ chose it for Himself
— God gave to man for use and sustenance
Corn, wine, and oil, and each of these is good:
And Christ is Bread of life and Light of life.
But yet, He did not choose the summer corn,
 That shoots up straight and free in one quick growth.
 And has its day, is done, and springs no more;
 Nor yet the olive, all whose boughs are spread In the soft air,
and never lose a leaf,
 Flowering and fruitful in perpetual peace;

But only this, for Him and His is one,—
 That everlasting, ever-quickening Vine,
 That gives the heat and passion of the world,
 Through its own life-blood, still renewed and shed.
 * * * * * *
 The Vine from every living limb bleeds wine;
Is it the poorer for that spirit shed?
The drunkard and the wanton drink thereof;
 Are they the richer for that gift's excess?
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain;
 Not by the wine drunk,
 but the wine poured forth;
 For love's strength standeth in love's sacrifice
; And whoso suffers most, hath most to give.

Taylor, James Hudson (2006). Union And Communion or Thoughts on the Song of Solomon (p. 65). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.

In need of Him

  Have you ever realized that God is most closest to you when you really are in need?

The times when you are aware of your failure, inadequacy, and  lack? That he covers you when you repent of your sin?

I've been becoming more aware of this fact lately.

Even throughout the  Old Testament , he shows his devotion through his people.

Judges 3:1-6


Judges 4:1-23

Judges 3:12-30



Many times the children of Israel turned to the Baals and Ashroths, so  God delivered them into the hands of their enemies.

When they cried out to Him for deliverance from the oppression, He would deliver them.


Over and over...God shows love!


How often do you get into sin , you repent, and God forgives you?

He has done this for me many times. What is more, he shows us that there is no way... apart from HIM stepping in...can we be purified each day by him.


Think of sin as a person. No matter what you do, you cannot get away from it. No praying, fasting, or ANYTHING you do..apart from calling on him, He stands in-between you and Sin. Each time you repent.. to truly turn away from Sin and ask to be freed, he steps in.

That is love!     Never give up my friend!

"Compliments" by Francois Fenelon

Don't let compliments you receive from worthy people go to your head. On the other hand,do not let false humility keep you from accepting God's comfort when He sends it through others.

God wants you to take what comes and not run after what doesn't come. Simply accept what is given to you. Look only to God. Learn to live without things God sees fit to take away  from you. There are certain things that God wants you to be detached from. Do you see that God allows people to respond to you in many different ways in order to mold you?

Trust God without fear. Learn to accept your weakness as you allow God to change you. There is no use being impatient or depressed about your faults. Make a habit of inwardly bringing yourself before God as often as you can during the day. Doing this can calm you down.

Is it about you or Him?

I just got done dumping my disappointments on God. I've wanted to go on a "missions" trip for a while now. It really feels like a burning inside my heart to touch people in other countries. To feel their pain and be changed into a more caring person.

But then comes reality. 

Every time I start saving...something comes up. Right in my face. It may be a need in the house I live in to help out, a friend who needs support, or God wants to lavish on someone and he chose me as the vessel. 

After all that, I end up spending all that I'd saved. Though I don't want to fool you, I do plenty of self pampering as well with my savings. (I'm learning that no matter what I have, it never seems enough! Black hole syndrome ) 

Anyways....

I asked God why this was happening and He really answered! This was no way in my mind.

He asked : Are you wanting it for you or me?

Big question. I just know I'll look back at this post on a later date and feel like it was for then as well.

If it was God I should be able to wait. If it is just me wanting to say that I did something, it will most likely never happen.  

One question for all my readers. 

Are you living your life for Him? Or is it wrapped up in the affairs of the world? 

Do you feel like God has spoke now YOU need to make it happen? 

If so, it may not be God after all. Though that is just from my experience. God works differently  with different people. But please consider the answer.

Don't ever rush Him. You will ALWAYS miss opportunities that he gives along the way.

Remember the words of Paul: "To live is Christ and to die is gain." 

I did another one of my research projects....lol!


For the longest time, I've thought that iniquity had to do with your mind. I wanted to find out what God was forgiving. 




in·iq·ui·ty
1. Gross immorality or injustice; wickedness.
2. A grossly immoral act; a sin.
3.absence of moral or spiritual values; "the powers of darkness"
4.Condition


A condition.
To me it is like in C.S Lewis' "Great Divorce" when the bus passenger was no longer complaining.They were a complaint.


Psalm 32:5
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Isaiah 53:6
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.


He forgave our condition. We being wicked were forgiven by the very one whom we sinned against.

Can you do that?
Love someone who hates and deeply hurts you more than those that are kind to you?

I know that brings me to tears.

Love himself clothed us in light revealing to us who we are.

What is more shocking is that he didn't turn away in disgust. Instead we are his children and we receive an inheritance.


I hope that this post encourages you to "fight the good fight and finish the course" for stored up for those who do is righteousness.

I feel like I'm falling in love remembering truths about the Lover.

The three relationships..

 This isn't a new  idea but it seemed like a good idea to post on. 


In our walk with Christ, we have three different stages of relationship: stranger, friend,and beloved. Each of these have a different intimacy level, different pains and trials we go through, and deeper joys as we draw closer to Christ. This is one of my thoughts, not necessarily a fact with everyone.




First, we enter the stranger phase with Christ.It is also the point we are servants.This is like being in the outer courts. We only hear what is going on inside. This is sometimes the point we hear about Him, but not always have much experience ourselves. In this stage we are often drawn to Christ fort different reasons. Some for curiosity,hope in a hard time, or many other reasons. We aren't really close to Christ and it is sometimes easy just to walk away. But if we stay, he calls us to become friends.




I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my father. --John 15:15
In the friend stage, we are called to really hear him for ourselves. It is like when the priest entered the inner courts. We get to partake of the feast of his bounty.He speaks to us like he did the disciples. The hardships we go through are like that of the disciples. We must leave our own lives and follow. We often get discouraged because we may have to leave our family and friends to do so. This stage is probably one of great joy and like climbing a  spiritual mountain as well. Then after a while we are thrown into the furnace like gold to be purified....into lovers. 


Into the gems of his delight.As the beloved we lose ourselves. All we are is a reflection of the Lover of All. The pain of leaving his side is absolutely unbearable. This place is both frightening and exciting at the same time. Frightening since we are totally exposed. Exciting because we are exposed to the one who really loves. It is the Holy of Holies to be a beloved. 

Our purpose

I'm pretty full tonight. I just got through my first (of this year) "two people meeting" an hour ago. It was very enlightening. The facts don't matter of how I got there, the exciting thing is what I got out of it.
  
  First of all, I wanted to share something I've been thinking about lately.I have been wearing a ring on my wedding finger for about a week now. People ask me why, but until now I've held out. The ring helps remind me that the relationship that Christ started with me (others as well) is like a marriage. I am unmarried by the world's standards, but I'm joined to Christ in the standards that really count. I'm reminded to keep my thoughts about how I can please him. It's a radical idea, but big changes  are caused by little steps.

Anyways, back to what I learned. I was reminded how Christ called us not to live how we want to, do what ever we dream of, or even feel happy all of the time. He wants to totally destroy our lives, make us ask for death, and to hunger for him. When we truly are emptied of our reputations, pride,and emotional stabilities (for myself) he pours himself into us. We then find out that all of our pain,struggles, and hard times are for one thing. To rid us of everything but him. We are become like a child. The more time we spend with him, the more we are fulfilled. Separation becomes our fear. He becomes our all in all and we desire nothing else. Even in our low times, he is right there. It is such an amazing God we serve!

The Awesomeness of our Creator.

Psalms 19:1-4: For the choir director: A psalm of David. The heavens proclaim the glory of God. The skies display his craftsmanship.Day after day they continue to speak; night after night they make him known.They speak without a sound or word; their voice is never heard.Yet their message has gone throughout the earth, and their words to all the world. God has made a home in the heavens for the sun.It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding. It rejoices like a great athlete eager to run the race.( NLT)

These verses are so incredible. How true they speak of our Father's work. To the conscious mind, we may sometimes think,  "Oh thats a neat sun-set" or "Wow that storm sure made things green,"  but when do we really stop to awe at God's creation?

Here's two awesome videos from Francis Chan  to better explain my point.

http://www.crazylovebook.com/videos_awe.html

http://www.crazylovebook.com/videos_stop.html

Recently I've been really struggling to grasp a relationship with God. 

   What should I expect? How does it happen? Why did He choose me?

 I don't have answers for these questions yet, because I'm new, but I thought they would help inspire a radical change in mindset. The one thing I can say about becoming intimate with Christ is: It is not easy.  The closer you get, the more you are exposed. Like Adam and Eve in the garden, you become naked in front of  the throne of God. It is an embarrassing time. All your faults, even the ones you believed had disappeared, come  to the light. Most of the time, the light that reveals you is the actions of a friend. Someone can be short with you, treat you unfairly, or defile your justice. Then it is all over. What you didn't realize is that the closer the m Father drew to you the more obliterated the very shadows that your faults hide in disappear. Like I said, embarrassing. No matter what you have done or how sincere you were at the time you realize the truth: 

I AM EVIL.

For some people (LOL...like me), we have hidden for so long, that when we are revealed, we shun from the light. We think we are too far gone for God to want to deal with us, so we feel we were better not  knowing how we are. Our only remedy is to look at his face and cling to him. Instead of pushing away in the  pain of the moment, draw closer to Him. But don't worry if you haven't experienced the brightness yet, God  reveals more the closer we get to becoming his Beloved. He allows certain intensities of light in our life at a time, sometimes just more than what seems bearable.

Missing Him

"I slept, but my heart was awake,

when I heard my lover knocking and calling:

“Open to me, my treasure, my darling,

my dove, my perfect one.

My head is drenched with dew,

my hair with the dampness of the night.”

But I responded,

“I have taken off my robe.

Should I get dressed again?

I have washed my feet.

Should I get them soiled?”

My lover tried to unlatch the door,

and my heart thrilled within me.

I jumped up to open the door for my love,

and my hands dripped with perfume.

My fingers dripped with lovely myrrh

as I pulled back the bolt.

I opened to my lover,

but he was gone!

My heart sank.

I searched for him

but could not find him anywhere.

I called to him,

but there was no reply."     - Song of Solomon 5:2-6

For each disciple, the journey often takes different routes, but for anyone who seeks to fall in love with Christ, in the intimate way, we find that often, when he calls,we have something we want to do and we reply "I have taken off my robe.Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?” Just like the woman in the story, we give excuses why we cannot answer the call. When we hear him trying to enter our heart, as we try to let him in, he seems to disappear. We are left with the feeling that we were abandoned. Like Christ on the cross, we ask "My God why have you forsaken me?" This experience draws us closer to the  lover of our soul. It also teaches us to answer him quicker. Christ is multi-dimensional. When we think we know why he allows something to happen to us, and even if we see a small benefit a little later down the road, he uses the experience for many other reasons. The thought that comes to mind, is that the will of God is like a diamond, when you look at one side,you don't see the entire gem; you must turn it around in your hand and look at each facet. That is the way God shows us the effects of how our obedience, suffering, and self-denying actions effect others and even our own life.  He wants to be near us, and longs to make us just like him. Such love he has for us!

Passage story

It's been a long time since I've written, so I will have a little to write tonight. About a week ago, my youngest brother had his passage (WOW! It shakes me every time I think about it!) For those who are following this blog that don't know what a passage is; it is when we acknowledge that a young person has started being a man  or woman in Christ. We usually celebrate by holding a day in which we give portions of what God has given us in our lives(usually this means a story or analogy) to help the young person in their life. Anyways, my youngest brother Brandon and his friend Noah had their "passage" last Saturday. We started it out by having a nature walk "Audubon style." We learned a lot about nature in that hour-and-a-half.  Then, for the passage, we went to a restaurant in Holly Springs, Mississippi called "Anne's" (This was a great place to eat as well). Most of what we gave was Brandon is a "light-bearer" ( might have something to do with his videography) and that Noah is a safe place. To better explain this, I'll tell my gift to both of them. To Brandon, I gave a torch stand. I said this represents him. I then put the actual torch in it and said " God has filled you with his life through your experiences." When I gave him the oil for the torch, I made him see that it contained lemon grass. This was a representation of the "bitter experiences" that cause us to draw closer to Christ. It also keeps the "spiritual mosquitoes" from draining our life essence. Then, because we were inside and I couldn't light it, I just told him that God sent a spark into him that ignited his heart on fire for God. Also, that he must remember that he is the stand, nothing of this light is "his" he is just the vessel. Just a side note, before this night he was just a brother, as the passage went on, he slipped his way into my selfish heart. I can honestly say that I truly love him now. I don't know for sure what God has in store for him, but I hope that I can boost him up a little. To Noah I gave a cedar bird house. I told him that like the bird house, he gives shelter  to those who are injured spiritually as well as his friends. The cedar aroma  represents the love of Christ that  leaks from his very being. Noah is a great friend, whenever he sees someone looking down, he does what he can to lift their spirits. Both are awesome men, I look forward to the adventures they will have.Praise to the King, who brings us up to his highest.

P.s. Sorry, no pictures yet!

Awoken from a deep sleep.

Ever felt like you were missing something in your life? I am currently experiencing  this very thing. I started school last week, and have been running blind lately. I cannot tell you much more other than that I wake up some nights out of a dead-sleep feeling very weird. I truly hope none of this is complaining! I guess this is the best time to seek God the most. There is no way that that what's happening is an accident. It is God's hand on my life. I love to understand too much of what he is doing, that I don't trust him out of blind faith. This is the same faith that all disciples of Christ must have. Being with the people of God is for me like being raised from the dead(In theory). First, you of course, are DEAD. No question about that. You hear a voice that tells you to wake up. You have this weird feeling as hands touch your heart, all of a sudden they squeeze. Your heart slowly starts,but one problem, no life blood. You feel empty. The voice then connects a itself to you, and you start to feel... warmth. All of your organs start to work, but you GASP....No Air! Then as if on cue, the voice breathes in your lungs. As you try to wake up you realize that you can't. Your  eyes refuse to open. And the voice says "In time." "Just be patient, you need help." You feel hands touch your eyelids..then all of a sudden, a blinding light floods your pupils. When your eyes adjust, You see not one face, but MANY! This is how it has been for me. It takes the hands of Christ through brothers and sisters around me to bring me to life. They are how God reaches this living creature called Benjamyn. Well hope this made sense and was not complaining.

Wow moment

I just started my first class at University of Tennessee(Selmer branch) tonight. I really could not believe I was there to tell you the truth. Nothing in me should have had the nerve to go through with enrolling. I truly know that it was God that helped me to be able to get everything together for my registration. I mean, I was within a week of not being able to go  because I would have missed the deadline. But, since a friend (Amy Pennington) told me that school started January 19th vs. my thought of sometime in March, I made it. My class tonight was Visual Art,which is amazing in it's self, but not half as much as having a friend in that class with me! I got to see Ken S. in my class tonight, so I knew God was backing me up. I am very happy that I am able to do things with God's people. If tomorrow brings me losing my grant or anything else God may send, I feel that it would be his will. For the moment, I really enjoy having this opportunity to expand my knowledge and to hopefully become clay in the Potter's hands with my direction towards a medical field.

I really hope that I can pass this experience on to others. God wants to use us for his purpose, but he needs us to give up hope that we can do it for him and to know that the only way God uses us is if we allow ourselves to be directed by him. He allows us to be a tool in his work, for he is the hands we need to move at all! Just like Mother Theresa stated " I am only a pencil in the hand of Christ." I  hope to remember that for years to come. For it is not what we can do for Christ, but what he does through us and in us that matters most in his kingdom.That's my thoughts for tonight, I hope it didn't sound too lofty....because God really shows the fruit the day we least expect the test."POP QUIZ!" LOL...I hope that helped lighten it up a little!:-)

A thought/ The light brigade

I watched an awesome movie last night. It was called " The Blind Side."
It is the story of how a big black kid nicknamed "Big Mike" (Michael Orly) went from the slums of Memphis to semi-pro NCAA football star. My favorite part was the famous  poem   Charge of the light brigade.


The Charge Of The Light Brigade
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Memorializing Events in the Battle of Balaclava, October 25, 1854


Written 1854


Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.


Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.


Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:


Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack & Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.






Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse & hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.
When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.


Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!

This poem has a deep spiritual meaning to me. First of all, I have a strong sense of injustice when it comes to myself. It states how the six hundred knew that the commander was in err. there greatest asset was they knew two major virtues : Courage and Honor. Two virtues that Christians need. Courage to stand up against the evil of one of our greatest enemies: SELF. And in the face of the valley of death,though it seems our hope is gone, we press on. to Honor. We lose our self  in the journey. All that matters is to fight for our Commander,Christ. The commander who is not in err. Christ leads us to freedom from the slavery of  this world to becoming sons and daughters of him.

Wisdom from Jeanne Guyon

I read a little out of Jeanne Guyon's "Intimacy with Christ." The passage I read was about how God deals with us to make us his own. She said that there are many situations we are put into AREN'T for making us stronger, but to weaken our resistance. He wants to make us like children that depend on their Father. "Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matt.18:3)

This thought is far from most of adults these days. To be like a child? To be absolutely helpless? It is truly a hard pill be swallow for us individaually oriented people. We want to be able to look strong, our prayers even echo this. We pray that God give us strength to help others.His answer is usually that he sends circumstances that makes us feel helpless.We feel that God has abondoned us. We blame the Adversary's attacks.(He is just the messanger boy,but we forget!) I know this is not something I look as fun. Anyways, I thought I'd just share this new step I came across today. I hope that I can learn this one day.

Another day...another lesson

Yesterday was a lesson . Work was highly intense and when I got home, I had the night all planned out, I was going to drop my friend off at his play practice, drive to Lowes and pick up a replacement door, drive home, and after all that craziness...go out and watch the new "Christmas Carol" in theaters. Once again, God usually laughs at me at this point. When I did get home, I remembered  that I was on dinner clean-up. I was sorta bummed out at this point, but did the job anyways with a small amount of faith that I would be able to pick up the door. Half way through clean-up,one of the ladies volunteered to finish for me. I was able to pick  up the door in enough time. This experience was a lesson to me once again the miniscule amount of faith that I have and how much the Father loves and takes care of his children. He works in ways that are not bound by personality,time, or circumstances. WOW!