Is it about you or Him?

I just got done dumping my disappointments on God. I've wanted to go on a "missions" trip for a while now. It really feels like a burning inside my heart to touch people in other countries. To feel their pain and be changed into a more caring person.

But then comes reality. 

Every time I start saving...something comes up. Right in my face. It may be a need in the house I live in to help out, a friend who needs support, or God wants to lavish on someone and he chose me as the vessel. 

After all that, I end up spending all that I'd saved. Though I don't want to fool you, I do plenty of self pampering as well with my savings. (I'm learning that no matter what I have, it never seems enough! Black hole syndrome ) 

Anyways....

I asked God why this was happening and He really answered! This was no way in my mind.

He asked : Are you wanting it for you or me?

Big question. I just know I'll look back at this post on a later date and feel like it was for then as well.

If it was God I should be able to wait. If it is just me wanting to say that I did something, it will most likely never happen.  

One question for all my readers. 

Are you living your life for Him? Or is it wrapped up in the affairs of the world? 

Do you feel like God has spoke now YOU need to make it happen? 

If so, it may not be God after all. Though that is just from my experience. God works differently  with different people. But please consider the answer.

Don't ever rush Him. You will ALWAYS miss opportunities that he gives along the way.

Remember the words of Paul: "To live is Christ and to die is gain." 

Whatever you ask..do you really believe this?

And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. John 14:13 (KJV)


Have you ever really thought about this verse? Not just a fleeting thought but had your mind truly fixed on it? This verse means different things for each person, so here is an example of it that happened to me this week.


Well, let me start a little back in time. A few years ago, I read Hudson Taylor's autobiography. Within his life he had many examples of this verse. Whenever he asked Christ to put him in situations that would cause him to have to draw closer to the Creator, it happened. Most of the time, it really tested his faith. Hudson became so close to Christ that he eventually went to China. In his time in China, the lessons he learned before arriving caused him to trust that Christ was in control. 


Just last week, I had a similar situation. Wednesday I asked God to cause a deeper relationship with himself,no matter what it took. I've had a few times like this before.


Well, He gave me an opportunity. 


I have been wanting to go help a friend in Mexico for a few months now. I started saving money this past week and had a budget plan. Everything seemed to fall into place. 


Now  comes the fun  part. 


Friday I got a text from a brother who I live with that I was behind on my ministry dues. For those few non-RCV'ers who follow, we have been supporting "Mercy Homes" in India see http://mercyhomes.org/),  a couple orphanages in Myanmar (formerly Burma) through Heaven's Family (see http://www.heavensfamily.org/), and helping a church in Africa by micro-loans to start their businesses.


I wasn't just a little behind, I was $215 behind! That really hit me. It wasn't a convicted reaction either. I threw a fit. A 25 year old disciple of Jesus Christ, someone who is supposed to have given up everything to follow him...threw a fit. I said I didn't understand. My good friend and brother in Christ,  John Bob, told me that it was my responsibility. He told me (not perfectly quoted) " you want to be a missionary, but miss God right in front of you." He was right. I found out later after I made a payment plan to get caught up, I had overdrawn my bank account recently. All my "savings" for Mexico had disappeared. 


It was then I heard, "No matter what?"


Yep. As you can guess, I got a first hand example of Him answering my prayer for His glory. 
I believe even more.


May He always get the glory in my life. 


No matter what.

Losing Control

 I have stepped into dangerous waters. I've found one of my biggest problems is...control. I want to be in control of my life. God cannot use someone who is in control. He must lead and guide them, but sometimes he allows them to seemingly wander away from him so they can be truly drawn closer. God sometimes uses chaos to do his bidding.


It seems like whenever chaos ensues, we figure just how controlling we are. I speak of myself in this with very much humiliation. I tend to think when things aren't going according to plan..God isn't in control of everything. How easy is it to forget what he has done for us when we have held back from him a key to our salvation. When we are "in control," the world seems sunny to us, life is sweet, and we feel like it is God's will.


 But wait...is it? 


Doesn't God want us to live a happy life? To be free?


But when the chaos comes we get to see the illusions we have allowed ourselves to believe. (that's for another  post though)


And often we feel the chaos that we face in daily life is from the adversary just to withstand us. Could be....don't forget...he must get permission from the Father to tempt, pain,and otherwise try to knock us out of the fight. 




Come deeper with me. 


Trust....to believe. 


The earliest example ironically of a person who lost control of their life and trusted was..Abraham. He was promised that his descendants would be like the sands of the sea. Also, that Abraham and Sarah would have a son that would be the fulfillment of His promise. 


Seemed like things were on the up and up for them both.


But we all know the story. Abraham was told to sacrifice that promise as a lamb on an altar. Wow. Quite the hit to the gut. I'm sure that Abraham didn't leap at this. But we know that in the end, God saw his trust and counted it as righteousness and Issac didn't die. 


An archaic thought. To let go...lose control. To trust that out on the water is Christ in the midst of the storm going on.It's a step towards losing ourself..VERY scary! the most amazing thing is that when we are able to surrender control, we can reach out and touch people. We, like Mother Theresa said, "are only a pencil in a hand."

It's the foolishness that Christ calls wisdom. 




It's not easy, it goes against everything in us.


Even though I can write this post as if I completely understand the concept of letting go...I in no way don't.