Pre-conference vlog

Turn off the music to hear this. 

Vlog

Here's a trial run. I may try this once in a while instead of writing. 

Committed?

 I want to ask you an honest question. Are you committed to Christ?
There is no right or wrong answer...but it is between you and Him.  Please be honest. I'm not asking for an answer, just that you think on it, meditate on what it really means, and ask Him to show you what it is. Please have the courage to ask.

A small confession of myself

I know for me, even being "single,"  I am owned. I belong to someone.  Christ has committed Himself so that no matter how much I fall or how much I want to give up (and have!) He will never : give up or let up.

Without Christ, I am nothing. I realize that I'm only 25, but he has shown me a little of me. He has revealed that on my own: I am a blasphemous, wicked, cowardly, lustful,and SELF-RIGHTEOUS  thing .



 But he also promised never to leave.

How can I say more?

Awoken from a deep sleep.

Ever felt like you were missing something in your life? I am currently experiencing  this very thing. I started school last week, and have been running blind lately. I cannot tell you much more other than that I wake up some nights out of a dead-sleep feeling very weird. I truly hope none of this is complaining! I guess this is the best time to seek God the most. There is no way that that what's happening is an accident. It is God's hand on my life. I love to understand too much of what he is doing, that I don't trust him out of blind faith. This is the same faith that all disciples of Christ must have. Being with the people of God is for me like being raised from the dead(In theory). First, you of course, are DEAD. No question about that. You hear a voice that tells you to wake up. You have this weird feeling as hands touch your heart, all of a sudden they squeeze. Your heart slowly starts,but one problem, no life blood. You feel empty. The voice then connects a itself to you, and you start to feel... warmth. All of your organs start to work, but you GASP....No Air! Then as if on cue, the voice breathes in your lungs. As you try to wake up you realize that you can't. Your  eyes refuse to open. And the voice says "In time." "Just be patient, you need help." You feel hands touch your eyelids..then all of a sudden, a blinding light floods your pupils. When your eyes adjust, You see not one face, but MANY! This is how it has been for me. It takes the hands of Christ through brothers and sisters around me to bring me to life. They are how God reaches this living creature called Benjamyn. Well hope this made sense and was not complaining.

Wow moment

I just started my first class at University of Tennessee(Selmer branch) tonight. I really could not believe I was there to tell you the truth. Nothing in me should have had the nerve to go through with enrolling. I truly know that it was God that helped me to be able to get everything together for my registration. I mean, I was within a week of not being able to go  because I would have missed the deadline. But, since a friend (Amy Pennington) told me that school started January 19th vs. my thought of sometime in March, I made it. My class tonight was Visual Art,which is amazing in it's self, but not half as much as having a friend in that class with me! I got to see Ken S. in my class tonight, so I knew God was backing me up. I am very happy that I am able to do things with God's people. If tomorrow brings me losing my grant or anything else God may send, I feel that it would be his will. For the moment, I really enjoy having this opportunity to expand my knowledge and to hopefully become clay in the Potter's hands with my direction towards a medical field.

I really hope that I can pass this experience on to others. God wants to use us for his purpose, but he needs us to give up hope that we can do it for him and to know that the only way God uses us is if we allow ourselves to be directed by him. He allows us to be a tool in his work, for he is the hands we need to move at all! Just like Mother Theresa stated " I am only a pencil in the hand of Christ." I  hope to remember that for years to come. For it is not what we can do for Christ, but what he does through us and in us that matters most in his kingdom.That's my thoughts for tonight, I hope it didn't sound too lofty....because God really shows the fruit the day we least expect the test."POP QUIZ!" LOL...I hope that helped lighten it up a little!:-)

All for the King

Today I just want to say how much I love being a part of the people of God. There is nothing in me that deserves at all to be a child of the King! I am so humbled by how  much he cares for us. God brought back my short-fused temper this week...which shocked me, because I truly thought that I was headed away from this. It seems like God had gotten all that was visible to me out of the way, then started on digging at my soul. I read something in Fenelon's Seeking Heart that God does not go after what doesn't react to his touch...It's dead, and cannot fight against his will! He prods our sensitive spots to cause us to be shown who we are down inside. He works until we are absolutely worn out. The cross targets all that is alive to kill our old self. When we do die to our selfish wants, dreams, and desires (.....yes, even those that are for him!),we become still-like  in him. This is when he raises our spirit. We may look the same, have the same defects, but they aren't full of sin. We become like Adam and Eve before sin entered the garden. We look to Jesus for our direction and no longer depend on our self or for that matter, trust self. We are made perfect in the creator's eyes...by the only way we can be, through Christ. We become a true part of Christ when empty of ourselves. Me devoid of self. I hope that I didn't sound lofty with any of this, and would like anyone who feels that way to approach me. I thank God that he works on his children to make us want to  grow up to be like him.Best of all, he is with us all the way! To the end....

From Spiritual infancy to adolesence

 I have been thinking about my relationship with Christ. He called his disciples to leave everything. Their families,jobs,lives and to follow him. After Christ ascended, they we They were lost until Christ's spirit fell on them. They didn't know what to do. They had become separated from their own lives. After Christ spirit fell on them, they didn't jump up and evangelize. It took persecution to spread the seed of the gospel throughout the "lost sheep of the house of Israel" and eventually the Gentiles. 

Jesus calls us today to follow. He tells us that we must leave all, only to become connected to himself alone. At first, our relationship is like that of an infant. Christ feeds us and we are swaddled in his love. His promises are wondrous and  we are usually full of zeal. But we are not able to stay here. 

Whether it takes months, years, or decades we eventually move on to the next stage. I think I have just gotten to this point.He wants to cause us to be his alone. We then  step into the "adolescence" of our relationship with Christ. I have felt that this is probably the hardest time in our walk with Christ. Zeal starts to run out, we start to really feel the consequences of truly following, and  Christ's promises seem distant to us. In this time, we truly find out that it is not our steps in our own strength that help. It can even be a hindrance for us to succeed in our way. We need God most in this stage.It is our dependence on him alone and not his promises to us. 

Hopefully this post doesn't sound mixed up....I cannot think clearly right now. I feel that moving only to be an extension of Christ, not what we feel we want to do for him, but what he will do through us.

  

 

  

A few of my poems

"What sort of God"

What sort of God would create a creature

who would come to despise his name,

What sort of king would take his servants

to become his sons and daughters,

What sort of master would take
the place of criminals and thieves,

And bear the pain of  their sins
on his shoulders?

Only for the few?

This love  is deep,
it is inhuman love

It contains all things,
Above all,
the absolute loss of  self.

A freedom from the chains
of depression and guilt.

"A Prayer of praise"

The greatest thing your disciple's life can do,
is point to you!

You gave us a will,
a gift we can give,

Your death was not your only sacrifice,
for your love is greater than that of your messengers.

Your word is your life you left us to live,
you tread the path
and you point the way.

You are all in all,
A shepherd with us all the way

My Family ( part of it)

Brandon  age 19(my youngest brother)

At Brandon's Graduation

Me, My Dad, and Brandon

Learning a new way

Well, hopefully this whole blog will be more of  sharing the journey of becoming intimate with Christ. I would love to hear others experiences with God.  I have been reading some of Madame Guyon's writings week( so far I've read  through Experiencing the depths of Jesus Christ,Union with God,and Final steps in Christian Maturity. I would have to say these are very deep and I used to not be able to understand what she is saying. Her basic point throughout these books is becoming like the woman fom Song of Solomon in the Bible. To go from our need of feeling God's presence, to having a relationship with him at all times,eve when it seems he has abondoned us. If  you like novels, Hannah Hurnard's Hinds feet on High Places explains this very well fro those who are visual like me. Well, anyway I'm full. God is emptying me of the way I think He should be. Just like MuchAfraid, he is bringing me to himself.
 Thanks for reading!
Benjamyn Michael Wilson