I'm done waiting

Time to get a little vulnerable. As a single guy living in a community where at least 80%  of my friends are married, 60% of which are within 2 years of me in both directions...

I often find it a great struggle to focus. 

It is human nature to want intimacy with another person. A closeness that makes you feel wanted by one other person. 

I've seen MANY books for single women (read none) of 
how to wait for the ONE. 

Men are often left out to dry..
since we are supposed to initiate the relationship. 

But.... What happens if it doesn't happen? 

Even if there is a desire, prayer, and even trying to be ready?


While marriage is  very important to those who are blessed with it, 
we can get so wrapped up in thinking and "prepping ourselves" that  we  miss the point. This is the time in our lives where we can devote ourselves entirely to falling in love with God.


For men it becomes like a deer hunt: waiting and jumping at opportunities...it becomes an obsession. 

God created us for  closeness with one another,sharing our life, and to live for the other.. 

Doesn't it sound sorta familiar? 

God created us to echo heaven. 

In the "Lord's prayer" it says ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN! 


Paul talks about this in Corinthians 7:7
"Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." 

I am not for holding out anymore. I cannot do it anymore. I have to move on. The desire has been absolutely paralyzing to me.


To sum up this whole thought in a few words it would be "Falling in Love with God above all" 

It is something that is missing from ALL marriages that go awry. 

To love God means loving that person in front of you whether it is your spouse,brother, sister, or  even YOUR WORST ENEMY more than you treat yourself! 

In the process of allowing yourself to feel God's love for you, you will then overflow & pour that love on others.

For those who have no spouse, it is easier in a way: putting God first before desires, giving your future to Him, and making Him your desire. 


It is both a scary and exciting thing to give your entire future to God. It means He does what HE wants. Is able to fashion you into a tool of His design. 

Then...when you are set in another person's life and them in yours, He'll be the center of the union. He is of course to be our first love. The one which all loves are meant to reflect. 


I could go on for hours, so I'll just leave you with that. I may need to write an eBook to share what God is working out in me. I'll truly enjoy Him revealing things in the days ahead, since life is about the valley and not the mountain-top.

A great poem from Union And Communion or Thoughts on the Song of Solomon by Hudson Taylor

The living Vine, Christ chose it for Himself
— God gave to man for use and sustenance
Corn, wine, and oil, and each of these is good:
And Christ is Bread of life and Light of life.
But yet, He did not choose the summer corn,
 That shoots up straight and free in one quick growth.
 And has its day, is done, and springs no more;
 Nor yet the olive, all whose boughs are spread In the soft air,
and never lose a leaf,
 Flowering and fruitful in perpetual peace;

But only this, for Him and His is one,—
 That everlasting, ever-quickening Vine,
 That gives the heat and passion of the world,
 Through its own life-blood, still renewed and shed.
 * * * * * *
 The Vine from every living limb bleeds wine;
Is it the poorer for that spirit shed?
The drunkard and the wanton drink thereof;
 Are they the richer for that gift's excess?
Measure thy life by loss instead of gain;
 Not by the wine drunk,
 but the wine poured forth;
 For love's strength standeth in love's sacrifice
; And whoso suffers most, hath most to give.

Taylor, James Hudson (2006). Union And Communion or Thoughts on the Song of Solomon (p. 65). Public Domain Books. Kindle Edition.

His alone

"Whom I have in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My heart and flesh may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
-Psalm 73: 25-26




Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out: and I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, [which is] new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and [I will write upon him] my new name.   
-Revelation 3:12


These are two incredible verses. 


First of all. The first verse shows absolute love for God. It represents absolute dependency on Him alone. He is our daily bread, our life-blood, and our only desire. It doesn't matter that we may be a mess, our lives are going the way we think they should go, or even that we look non-spiritual. Because our lives cease to be about us. We, like a bride, become his. 


Which leads me on to the next excellent verse. 


"Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out."


Isn't that an incredible thought? 


Never to leave the presence of the Most High? 


To be a part of His work?  


A pillar upholds a building...fairly simple. It does not move, do it's own thing but stays forever in place until the end. 


Can you imagine that? 


Not to live "Your own" life


but to be FOREVER in His presence?


"And I will write upon him the name of my God, and the name of the city of my God, [which is] new Jerusalem, which cometh down out of heaven from my God: and [I will write upon him] my new name."


Normally, when a bride gets married, she takes on her husband's name. She is no longer who she was. She has no rights apart from her husband...she is his.


On the other side... She gains him. Everything that he  is hers. 
They belong to each other.   




It is fairly similar to what Christ calls his bride to be. 




We cease to look like ourselves, lose who we were, and are joined to Him. We are then changed by him until we are a reflection of him. We no longer move on our own, go anywhere he doesn't, and He is our delight. 






These are my thoughts on two verses. 
I hope these thoughts have encouraged you, that you realize how much it costs to be with Him, and that you are ready to be His alone.

I did another one of my research projects....lol!


For the longest time, I've thought that iniquity had to do with your mind. I wanted to find out what God was forgiving. 




in·iq·ui·ty
1. Gross immorality or injustice; wickedness.
2. A grossly immoral act; a sin.
3.absence of moral or spiritual values; "the powers of darkness"
4.Condition


A condition.
To me it is like in C.S Lewis' "Great Divorce" when the bus passenger was no longer complaining.They were a complaint.


Psalm 32:5
Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin.

Isaiah 53:6
We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to our own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.


He forgave our condition. We being wicked were forgiven by the very one whom we sinned against.

Can you do that?
Love someone who hates and deeply hurts you more than those that are kind to you?

I know that brings me to tears.

Love himself clothed us in light revealing to us who we are.

What is more shocking is that he didn't turn away in disgust. Instead we are his children and we receive an inheritance.


I hope that this post encourages you to "fight the good fight and finish the course" for stored up for those who do is righteousness.

I feel like I'm falling in love remembering truths about the Lover.

The three relationships..

 This isn't a new  idea but it seemed like a good idea to post on. 


In our walk with Christ, we have three different stages of relationship: stranger, friend,and beloved. Each of these have a different intimacy level, different pains and trials we go through, and deeper joys as we draw closer to Christ. This is one of my thoughts, not necessarily a fact with everyone.




First, we enter the stranger phase with Christ.It is also the point we are servants.This is like being in the outer courts. We only hear what is going on inside. This is sometimes the point we hear about Him, but not always have much experience ourselves. In this stage we are often drawn to Christ fort different reasons. Some for curiosity,hope in a hard time, or many other reasons. We aren't really close to Christ and it is sometimes easy just to walk away. But if we stay, he calls us to become friends.




I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing; but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my father. --John 15:15
In the friend stage, we are called to really hear him for ourselves. It is like when the priest entered the inner courts. We get to partake of the feast of his bounty.He speaks to us like he did the disciples. The hardships we go through are like that of the disciples. We must leave our own lives and follow. We often get discouraged because we may have to leave our family and friends to do so. This stage is probably one of great joy and like climbing a  spiritual mountain as well. Then after a while we are thrown into the furnace like gold to be purified....into lovers. 


Into the gems of his delight.As the beloved we lose ourselves. All we are is a reflection of the Lover of All. The pain of leaving his side is absolutely unbearable. This place is both frightening and exciting at the same time. Frightening since we are totally exposed. Exciting because we are exposed to the one who really loves. It is the Holy of Holies to be a beloved. 

Two plants

Not my very best poem, but it is a rough draft.


Two Plants
There was a seed planted in my heart
by the great King of heaven,

This seed was to change everything
this seed was the Love of Christ
not like any human love
It began to grow into a seedling,
It's care was not like any other plant
It seemed abused by others
So I hid it.
As this happened a new seed
began to grow
one of bitterness
It seemed very easy to feed
In time
Fed me
But with it growing
The other suffered,
As my life seemed to shrivel
from the poison of bitterness
I cried out to the King.
He told me
 To remove this plant
will hurt quite a lot
For it's roots had wrapped my heart.
It would take every ounce of strength
to kill it....
But with it's death the other would bloom.

New look

I decided to do a template change, so I'll be trying to find one that'll best fit. It has almost been a year since this blog was started. I can tell you that God has done many things in everyone that I know. Most of them are absolutely amazing. My prayer for this year is that he would continue what he is doing in my life, making others more important to me than even myself. Because honestly, I love myself. It makes a sort of nausea to hit my stomach how true this is.

Becoming Needy

 How often do you think that everything in  your life is going how you would like it? You feel God is in control right? That you are in perfect peace with The Creator?

Or

Does it seem that your entire life seems to be on the verge of crashing down on you? That your good intentions seem to cause pain to others, and sometimes end up causing an inhibition of growth in your friends and family?


I tend to like the first option. To feel like you are always in God's will, always encouraging people, and you feel good about yourself. I mean, who doesn't like to be liked, have joy all the time, and to be full of life?

It makes you love to be a Christian.

But as we look at the life of Christ's disciples, we see that no one who follows the Father ever seem to have any life in this world. Peter went from being a fisherman to a "fisher of men (which wasn't a popular job as we can see in Acts)" and also denied the very one he swore under oath to protect, Paul became so hated that he was flogged multiple times, shipwrecked, and killed for his faith. Doesn't seem like a very fulfilling life, now does it?

Then there is God. He used Peter's experience in denying Him to cause Peter to learn to deny his own strength in himself. How often do I deny my own self and not know if I do love Christ and can only answer
Him  "only you know." That is when we feel the power of His love, when we are weak in ourselves.

He is our strength and help in hard times.

God  used Paul's experience before he ever  knew Christ. He made a way for Paul to really fear himself. He caused a major stir in everyone when he became one of the very people he persecuted. Paul mentioned later to people that were trying to become perfected in the flesh that he was. I mean, he did have everything before he became a disciple of the Way. He was highly respected by Romans and many Jews alike. He was good in the eyes of man. He'd  be the guy who thinks that he is doing God's work, zealous to do what he thinks is of God.....

Then, FLASH!

 The very person he thinks that he is serving he finds out that he is persecuting. I just wrote this  paragraph and automatically flashed back to my past. I was a "zealous" servant of God, looked good in many people's eyes(LOL),and went through an experience that I  thought made me a good person who God was proud of. Then, one day, I woke up to find that all of my zeal was gone, my love for others "mysteriously" disappeared, and I saw a little of the person who I was. He then chose to spread his cloak of Love over me.

The feeling of him is like no other thing. There is no human word to explain it. Now outside of Him, there is no life.

He should be our focus everyday.

I over heard a good friend say to someone the other day, "Don't ask if God will let you do something, ask if it would be pleasing to Him."

Thank you so much Shammah.

 I hope that that would be true of all of us. 

Our purpose

I'm pretty full tonight. I just got through my first (of this year) "two people meeting" an hour ago. It was very enlightening. The facts don't matter of how I got there, the exciting thing is what I got out of it.
  
  First of all, I wanted to share something I've been thinking about lately.I have been wearing a ring on my wedding finger for about a week now. People ask me why, but until now I've held out. The ring helps remind me that the relationship that Christ started with me (others as well) is like a marriage. I am unmarried by the world's standards, but I'm joined to Christ in the standards that really count. I'm reminded to keep my thoughts about how I can please him. It's a radical idea, but big changes  are caused by little steps.

Anyways, back to what I learned. I was reminded how Christ called us not to live how we want to, do what ever we dream of, or even feel happy all of the time. He wants to totally destroy our lives, make us ask for death, and to hunger for him. When we truly are emptied of our reputations, pride,and emotional stabilities (for myself) he pours himself into us. We then find out that all of our pain,struggles, and hard times are for one thing. To rid us of everything but him. We are become like a child. The more time we spend with him, the more we are fulfilled. Separation becomes our fear. He becomes our all in all and we desire nothing else. Even in our low times, he is right there. It is such an amazing God we serve!

Obsessed by God

Can you honestly say that the consideration of God fills every waking thought? I know that I can't. I tend to have things that are more important than God. Things that feel my day and push me further away from God. One of them is how much time I spend on the computer each day (Meaning this won't be a long post.).I consider time with God to be a chore. It is something I do to keep my day going well, to fulfill some "quota,"or only when I truly need something. Getting stuck in doing just enough is like what the Jews did with the law. We tend to strive to give God our "leftovers" in the words of Francis Chan. We give God only whats required, then wonder why we feel so empty of the Spirit. The goal of Christ was to call us higher. We can never give enough, be humble enough, or praise him enough to satisfy him. He wants our all. He wants us to be so obsessed with him that we have to trust in him for our daily necessities. when Christ called his disciples, he told them not to go back for supplies for their trip. No extra money, tunic,or walking staff. This type of devotion caused the disciple to be intimate with God. He was forced to trust that the Lord would provide. In the story of Abraham, he had to rely on the fact that God would provide. What would have been like if Abraham had killed his son only to be mocked by others for having faith? Are we so afraid to have faith that God will provide for all of our needs? I know I have many times. When hard situations arise, I tend to get really anxious, forgetting what Christ has done for all who had faith in him before me. Becoming obsessed with God means letting go of all our anxieties and focusing on him, making every experience we go through cause us to want him more, to fall madly in  love with him. Like we were meant to do.I pray that he would do this in me. He is our provider and we are his delight.When you fall in love, like everyone knows, you don't need to be reminded to think about someone, they are on your mind all the time. You will no longer serve God because you have to, but because you are so deeply in love that not serving him would be crazy.