Saturday, February 10, 2018

It's been a while


It's been quite a long while since I've blogged. The years have past like a vapor and life happened!

God has definitely been with me for doubt. But, I feel quite a bit different. Since the last time I wrote....

1.) I moved to Holly Springs from Selmer Tennessee
2.) I've ran my 4th marathon
3.) More relationship trauma than I could handle
4.)  Been through 2 jobs in the past 6 months
5.) Felt like I lost my faith in God entirely

6.) Lost my Dad due to a bicycle on car accident. (He was hit from behind)

I've felt a mixture of real emotion and loss of total feeling. Some days seem like a dream-like fantasy.
As a twenty-something, I battled with depression of being liked by the opposite sex. I felt like I had the obligation to:

-Get married
-Have a high paying job
-Have 2+ children
-Contribute to society in a extra-special way, such as being an innovative voice in the dark.
-Never have the troubles my parents did in their own marriages

I've come to find out that life isn't about never making the blunders, failures, and identity crisis'...but to LIVE.

To be shattered completely some days, exhausted, messy, and depressed. To feel these things without holding back.

People may say since I've taken a completely different road than I ever have that I'm lost.

But I felt lost long before taking the path.

At 31...

I feel in a tailspin. It's hard not to wish I woke up and the world just stopped while I was asleep.
It is as if all the hopes of a future were based on something that is no longer, a lost holding water in your hands.

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