It's been a while

Wow.

It's been quite a long while since I've blogged. The years have past like a vapor and life happened!

God has definitely been with me for it...no doubt. But, I feel quite a bit different. Since the last time I wrote....

1.) I moved to Holly Springs from Selmer Tennessee
2.) I've ran my 4th marathon
3.) More relationship trauma than I could handle
4.)  Been through 2 jobs in the past 6 months
5.) Felt like I lost my faith in God entirely

6.) Lost my Dad due to a bicycle on car accident. (He was hit from behind)

I've felt a mixture of real emotion and loss of total feeling. Some days seem like a dream-like fantasy.
As a twenty-something, I battled with depression of being liked by the opposite sex. I felt like I had the obligation to:

-Get married
-Have a high paying job
-Have 2+ children
-Contribute to society in a extra-special way, such as being an innovative voice in the dark.
-Never have the troubles my parents did in their own marriages


I've come to find out that life isn't about never making the blunders, failures, and identity crisis'...but to LIVE.

To be shattered completely some days, exhausted, messy, and depressed. To feel these things without holding back.

People may say since I've taken a completely different road than I ever have that I'm lost.

But I felt lost long before taking the path.

At 31...

I feel in a tailspin. It's hard not to wish I woke up and the world just stopped while I was asleep.
It is as if all the hopes of a future were based on something that is no longer, a lost hope...like holding water in your hands.

Once again :)

Hello Blog-world!
 Been out a bit...two years in fact! God has done a lot in the past year just in general. For one, I've been made coordinator of my county's branch of Teen challenge Lifeline program by default.

It is quite a stretching experience, LET ME TELL YOU!

The guy who I started the program for the county with got cancer, went into remission,and became a youth director...so that dropped the responsibility on my shoulders.

I'm both full of hope and nervous
.

 I'm the supporting guy.

Not the "Managerial" type.

I'm seriously asking for prayer. Not mostly for me, but those I deal with,

That they would really be left with God. Like Peter, that the master would allow me to be a vessel to reach the hurting.

I'm not a really Charismatic person (though passionate) but I believe if I obey Him, things will happen.

Thanks again for following my journey thus far!

How are you?

Well... Hello!

  I literally forgot that I had a blog for a while. If I could summarize what God has been doing in my life lately it would simply be in trust and joy. 

How have you been?
What has God done with you?
Need prayer?  

Please share! My email is servant2122@gmail.com or just comment on this post.

Praise God for he  is the I AM! 

Don't live in the past

More of Christ by David Wilkerson

The long road home

Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling,Philippians 2:12

  Salvation has been talked about in many circles of Christianity these days. Some believe you can't lose salvation and yet others believe that you really can walk away from God's grace.

My thoughts on the matter are not doctrine, yet it helps me understand where I stand. 

Salvation is a road that we travel on when we decide to follow Christ. A road that we must walk to be free from our past selves. Every step we take gets us closer to our home at the Fathers feet. 

This road looks different for each of us. For some, it is a rocky and rough path, for others it is like climbing a steep mountainous terrain, and for some it is a path full of many tears. Many have sought ways to find the path, while others make their own saying that it leads to the Father only to find out they haven't moved very far. 

Christ is the one who set the path for he is the path itself. He pursues  us when we wandered off from the flock. He is often what we saw when we turned our head and who we see leading us when we are in Him.

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. John 14:6

It is a path that we must walk until our last day and will be continually walked on until the last of us are gone from the earth.

Untitled

It has been an amazing month so far. Nothing in me says I truly "enjoyed" what God has been doing inside and around my box, but He is God.

His expanding of my boundaries has exposed my internal rebellion against His love. I make things more complicated than they should be...but so far, that's me.

God is amazing and worthy of all glory! Days pass and we falter in our steps, but He is ever constant.

His love is powerful. It is amazing how one song of praise can shatter the depths of depression and darkness...driving away the "bat-wings."

I can say this because it happened to me tonight.

All the hoping and internal turmoil can never cause one step without His calming word (He knows the right word at the right time). It breaks me every time.

While these are just  my scattered thoughts, I feel like a child sitting at the King once again...His son.

He rescues me from the pit of despair and sets my feet on a rock (Him) and reminds me of my calling as a son. He has washed my feet and gave me a new name. I am no longer Self-loathing, I am Peace. My companions are Belief and Steadfastness. Both are my guides to the highlands.

Still here.

Hey Folks! I've been a little busy;between Teen Challenge work and prepping for my marathon, it has been hard to write.

I'm hoping to get a few guest writers in the next couple weeks :-) 

Hope you are having a great January so far!

A New Year

2012 has had it's adventures. Every year at this time people reflect on their past year; I'm no exception.  I've learned a whole lot more about who I am this past year just by living.

I get so wrapped up in trying to understand myself and others that I get highly irritated. Luckily, I'm not alone in this. I have great people around me to help break open the shell and extract a pearl.

 God is  so amazing like that.

If you ever feel like God isn't there,

Wait. Pray. Live

He is the eternal, so we must never forget he is not put off of saving us everyday. We are the ones stuck in time (I'll look back on this post later and be glad).

May God truly bless the next moment you experience. And the next. :-)

A recommendation

Hi  all!
Just thought I'd add a recommendation for an author I follow.His work has inspired me alot and I cannot wait to read his new book! Anyways, here's a link to the teaser for his book:  Jeff Goins book The-In-Between.

Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

New life from rest

²⁶ Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals,^[a] and over all the creatures that move along the ground.”

²⁷ So God created mankind in his own image,
    in the image of God he created them;
    male and female he created them.

²⁸ God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”

²⁹ Then God said, “I give you every seed-bearing plant on the face of the whole earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food. ³⁰ And to all the beasts of the earth and all the birds in the sky and all the creatures that move along the ground—everything that has the breath of life in it—I give every green plant for food.” And it was so.

³¹ God saw all that he had made, and it was very good. And there was evening, and there was morning—the sixth day.

Genesis 1:26-31

I stumbled upon something really interesting tonight. 

Bear with me.

As I read though the Chapter, it seemed like the same reminder of creation, but it wasn't until I read Genesis 2 that I found that something that got me thinking.

Genesis 2:1-25

Then it struck me. 

It seemed "Adam" was created inside God's rest. The garden was placed in an area set aside for His man.

And it is the same for His women as well.

It was out of the rest of Adam that Eve or Life was created. She was made from Adam's structure thus being the of the same creation. 

I am not setting new doctrine or adding to anything, but think about it.

Every-time God breathes on someone to be set apart to himself it is out of rest.

This rest is like how a peasant submits to the rule of a King.

It is the rest that allows God to shape us how he sees fit and move us with His Spirit.

 Instead of just being created by Him, we are made by his hands. 

God set many things on this earth with the ability to replicate themselves, but we are set aside for Him! 

We draw others to Him by being who we are. Animated by His Spirit.

Hitting the wall

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. 1 Corinthians 9:24

Being an endurance runner I truly understand this verse. There is a point at which your body at about an hour in, stops using glycogen (basically sugars) for energy and starts to burn fat. It causes your muscles to start to fatigue and you often slow your pace rapidly.This process happens so fast that unless you are ready for it, it is like "hitting a brick wall" literally.

Well, it is the same with our Faith. If you are not prepared to be pushed beyond your mental ability and  down to your knees...even to the point you despair your own life, you get hit hard. It feels like God has forsaken you or you failed Him. 

Neither of which are true. 

At this point many drop out of the race. Most are too fatigued to go on...but those who push through are rewarded greatly. 

After their body adjusts to a slower burning fuel, they find new energy. 

After we come to the end of what we can do, the end of ourselves, on a daily basis we find new strength to go further than we have ever imagined.

It is to God's glory we are able to go on. We WILL NOT look pretty to the world, but to his people and to Him we are like a bride running to the arms of her Beloved.  

So keep on in the race. Though the road be long and the way treacherous we run to be perfected as a Bride preparing for her wedding day. The stories we get along the way are what makes the journey. All along the way we get to touch people we could never have imagined had we have gone our separate ways. 

Continue with endurance so at the end we can truly say with all our hearts:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day--and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

2 Timothy 4:7-8

Taking a small break

Hi folks! I'm taking a small hiatus from this blog to get closer to God. I've found sometimes that I say too much too quickly and am buried with ideas yet it takes a long time to really digest the thing I write myself. I'm also working on my writing, so my blog may be a little more structured the next time I write.

Ciao!

Letting God be Himself

I get into trouble every-time I write. Without fail, God holds me on what I claim on my blog...

He writes it into my flesh and mind.

Here goes.


I recently read an important idea from Donald Miller's program, "Storyline" (http://storylineblog.com/) to make "What if's" in your life and move towards them.


My  biggest "WHAT IF"

What if I truly gave God control over my life each day and  every day?



I HATE THE IDEA!.





It's full of scary roads and massive possible failures.

Putting your entire life willingly in the hands of a being that could easily snuff you out?

On top of that, laying down the ability to scrutinize others on their mistakes?

That second one may have got a small chuckle. The truth is, I love "playing god."



To give up 'Giving up on Ben' is terrible. I am so good at it. *Snort*


I've found the reason behind all of my frustration with people. A pesky thing that gets in the way every-time.  It stops me from being able to help them with their problems. Wouldn't it be so much easier without it?

Oh yeah, it was a gift from God.

Their will.

I have one too.

He lets us walk away from Him all the while pursuing us with His Love in a way that only He can. That's real love. Allowing Himself to be wounded only to forgive us and accept us as sons and daughters when we return.

I hope that one is etched into my being. That love.

I want to allow God to work on others....and myself from the inside.


Letting God be Himself in me and allowing others to be themselves as well.

I'm done waiting

Time to get a little vulnerable. As a single guy living in a community where at least 80%  of my friends are married, 60% of which are within 2 years of me in both directions...

I often find it a great struggle to focus. 

It is human nature to want intimacy with another person. A closeness that makes you feel wanted by one other person. 

I've seen MANY books for single women (read none) of 
how to wait for the ONE. 

Men are often left out to dry..
since we are supposed to initiate the relationship. 

But.... What happens if it doesn't happen? 

Even if there is a desire, prayer, and even trying to be ready?


While marriage is  very important to those who are blessed with it, 
we can get so wrapped up in thinking and "prepping ourselves" that  we  miss the point. This is the time in our lives where we can devote ourselves entirely to falling in love with God.


For men it becomes like a deer hunt: waiting and jumping at opportunities...it becomes an obsession. 

God created us for  closeness with one another,sharing our life, and to live for the other.. 

Doesn't it sound sorta familiar? 

God created us to echo heaven. 

In the "Lord's prayer" it says ON EARTH AS IT IS IN HEAVEN! 


Paul talks about this in Corinthians 7:7
"Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that." 

I am not for holding out anymore. I cannot do it anymore. I have to move on. The desire has been absolutely paralyzing to me.


To sum up this whole thought in a few words it would be "Falling in Love with God above all" 

It is something that is missing from ALL marriages that go awry. 

To love God means loving that person in front of you whether it is your spouse,brother, sister, or  even YOUR WORST ENEMY more than you treat yourself! 

In the process of allowing yourself to feel God's love for you, you will then overflow & pour that love on others.

For those who have no spouse, it is easier in a way: putting God first before desires, giving your future to Him, and making Him your desire. 


It is both a scary and exciting thing to give your entire future to God. It means He does what HE wants. Is able to fashion you into a tool of His design. 

Then...when you are set in another person's life and them in yours, He'll be the center of the union. He is of course to be our first love. The one which all loves are meant to reflect. 


I could go on for hours, so I'll just leave you with that. I may need to write an eBook to share what God is working out in me. I'll truly enjoy Him revealing things in the days ahead, since life is about the valley and not the mountain-top.

Like waking from a dream

First of all, I'd just like to say how great it is to be God's. It is so easy to forget  sometimes the
absolute amazing power of being His. It is the answer to all anxieties.

Every time I write something of importance, He works it in me.

Lately, I have been hit hard. God had been far from my thoughts, yet I wasn't ever from His. I've been  wrestling inside to even understand where I stand.

While I'm not "there" yet, I don't believe I will be till I am before His throne.

Ran across this blog post forwarded on Facebook by a friend.

http://gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/03/idontwait/


It woke me up tonight to hear the same thing Christ gave me 4 years ago being said by someone else.

I get to fall in love again. Everyday

The Little Jesus on my shoulder

 It is a commonplace these days to "accept Jesus." Churches everywhere preach from the pulpit the Sinner's prayer.

Yet, That is not enough for Salvation

Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord,- Acts 3:19 

Repentance is remorse for our past and turning toward God. Not giving him the terms of how our life is to be. It is giving him control of our heart to shape us. 

We (including me) give Christ a "shoulder" to sit on to advise us. Yet we are still in control of how our lives go. We use Christ's words to our benefit and forsake God's voice in our lives.

A heart of repentance is not a man-invoked action. Being sorry...yes. Repentance is a gift God gives us. 

Zacheus is an awesome example of this. 

A tax-collector, he was a corrupt man. He looked out for Number One. Despised by his own people and his employers the Romans.

He overheard the crowds talk of Jesus the Carpenter who heals and is the Messiah. 

He had to see what the fuss was all about. Being a short man, he figures the best way to see Jesus was to climb a tree. 

Jesus walks underneath his tree!

Then looks Him in the eye, and says to come down and that...Jesus wants to eat lunch with him!

That was all it took! He gave back all he took in deceit three-fold and turned from his sin. 

God moved from inside. 

Christ had changed him by first seeing who Zacheus really was. 

Our Spirit is the piece of Christ we received to do this very thing. The Fruit of Christ's spirit stirring in us is true repentance. First, we must reach out for him.  

He wants inside. That we are off the seat of our heart and he is ruler, not like:

The Creator's place is in His temple. Here he can shape us into what we are meant to be and not who we think we are. 

I'll be honest. In the last 5 years of my life more attacks have come from my flesh nature to try to put Him out. I've been on the edge of walking away, asking God to take me out, and giving up completely on life. 

On the other side, He has been with me through everything. His light has revealed some ugly things in me. I totally expected Him to give up on me. 

THE EXACT OPPOSITE HAPPENED! He showed His love even more clearer. He is never surprised or disappointed with us. 

Just his Love can completely change us from the inside out. 

(His Spirit is like a microwave. No cooking, just changing the inside and our outsides are benefited) 


I pray that we allow Him to purge and go even deeper into our being. 

Loneliness

It seems weird to say that you are alone when you are surrounded by so many people...right? 

How is that possible? 

It is a big misconception that just because you are around people you are connected. 

When Christ said " For where two or three are gathered together unto my name, there am I in the midst of them. Matthew 18:20

He doesn't mean that just because you are in the same "church," you are gathered in His name. 

Before Christ died he bound his disciples together unto himself. He laid claim to them through this act of sacrifice. It is a connection of the Spirit. 

 

This connection is God-induced. Something that beyond the emotional and physical connection of your friends and family. 

It is something to be in prayer for. That our meeting together would be in response to our connection and not our connection. 

Rooted

For those of you that  I don't see daily, I've been going through a "dry" season lately. While it is no picnic, I've gotten a lot  from simple things.


There is a gardener who planted a seed in good soil. He tenderly watered the seed until it started to sprout. This tiny plant basked in the love of the gardener.

As the days went on, the gardener came to cut the plant back. The plant pleaded the gardener not to but the gardener came with his scissors and trimmed the plant. He also spread fertilizer around the plant.

The plant was sad.

As the days went on, the winds came and while many other plants were destroyed, the one plant stood.

This puzzled the plant.


The Gardener then came a dug the plant up, and placed it in a mighty forest. The plant marveled at the mighty oaks and was ashamed how scraggly he was.


As the small plant grew, he realized he too was a tree!

Many storms came and shook the tree, yet it stood.

The tree didn't look pretty on the outside, he was gnarly and bent slightly.


It learned many things about the gardener from other trees, and that the gardener was inside his rings.
He realized the pruning, positioning, and watering caused the tree to stand. While the tree wasn't the tallest in the forest, his roots were deep. They entwined with other trees and fed others while being fed himself.


This analogy sort of sums up my life so far. I'm the little plant. Maybe you are too. God intended all of our situations to cause our roots to grow deep and seek out his Life water. We may mot grow visibly as quick outwardly , but when the storms come we stand.  We may feel betrayed by the Gardener, but as the dry times come, we find deep down Life in our sap. The Gardener designed us to go through hard times in which he seems MIA. God loves you....Alot. You are his prize. 


Delight in Him!

Encouraging video from Steve Saint

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DN2jfgR0cCGc%26feature%3Dyoutu.be&feature=youtu.be&v=N2jfgR0cCGc≷=US

Yielding part 2

  As it is,  people talk alot about the Fruits of the Spirit. Many wonder why they aren't automatically endowed with them from the beginning. I know I often do! Think of the Spirit like a tree. And the Fruit..well like fruit!  Like a tree, you cannot force it to bear fruit. It must grow, Which we all know takes a lot of work. The Gardener must break the soil* up, fertilize, and keep other **plants that would choke the tree out in infancy. 

Only someone who knows the soil can truly cause Life to spring up from it. Christ is the Gardener.
The Fruits are what show up after the Spirit has established roots. It may take years to be fruitful. The **hands are those people  who the Gardener placed in our lives to help nurture the plant till maturity.


I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow.  So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.  The one who plants and the one who waters have one purpose, and they will each be rewarded according to their own labor. For we are co-workers in God’s service; you are God’s field, God’s building.


-1 Corinthians 3: 6-9






So take heart my friends! 




And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.


 -Philippians 11:6 NLT










 ^{** Parents, brothers and sisters in Christ, and sometimes those who inspire us}
** Remnants of the "old man"
*your heart